Day 16: Lot in life

Day 16: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

Some of these subjects on this 31 Blog Challenge really hit close to home.

My stepdad died in March. I don't deal with death well anyways, but seeing that person go through so much, suffer and then die? You can never be the same again. He and I weren't really close to begin with. He was stubborn as hell and I am, well, me..just as stubborn and hardheaded. He was one of the strongest people I knew. He was a fighter, but to see him succumb to his illness was one of the worst things I have been through in my life.

To this day, 6 months later, it still affects me. I have nightmares. I can't sleep at night. I think about him during the day. I cry. I mourn. I remember his pain. I remember his tears. I remember his screams and the agony of pain that he was in. I watch his death continue to affect those I love. Life does go on, but it's never going to be the same again. 

A couple of weeks ago, I woke up not being able to breathe. My dreams brought back all of the suffering and the pain that I watched him go through. I won't describe what all that was. It's too much for anyone to read or be able to handle. The only ones that truly know the torturous battle are my brother, sisters and mom. They will not speak of it either. That pain is mine to bear. Those images are mine to have. No one can take that away from me and no one can make it seem any easier. I cried like I never have before. I was angry. I'm still angry.

With each month that passes, I learn to deal with it better. Death is a part of life. That's the vicious circle that each of us have accepted.


Day 16..done.


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