Day 10: Most embarrassing moment

Day 10: Most embarrassing moment (s). Spill.

Geez, I don’t have many of these moments in my life. I don’t get embarrassed really easily. I guess I have no shame.

Okay. 

I guess I have to come up with the only scenario I got. My ex-boyfriend and I went swimming at the lake. We are both smokers so after we dried off, we sat on the wooden bench for a cigarette. At this point, we have been together for about a year and a half. We were pretty comfortable with each other, but not too comfortable.

We sat on the bench and had a full blown conversation over a cigarette. Then I felt the most horrific pain in my stomach. The kind that can only come from one need and that is the need to fart. I knew I couldn't let him know that something was wrong, because as caring as he was at that time he would try to make me feel better and the only way to do that was to get 100 feet away from me and just let me do my business.

He kept at the conversation while I died a little inside with each and every word. I decided that maybe a different position would relieve the tension from the stomach and make me focus on reality instead of the atomic gases that were forming inside my stomach. I wriggled, and scooted down the bench. I moved side to side in the most lady like manner. I even, at some point, squeezed my butt cheeks so tight just to be able to get up and re-position my body, that I thought it was the end of me.

Nothing helped.

Finally, when it all became too much, I decided to excuse myself. Of course, because we have been swimming, I was wearing a bathing suit that at this point was jammed so far up the crack of my ass because of all my undisclosed Matrix moves. I had to get it out before I actually stood up. I leaned to one side, grabbed my bathing suit and pulled.

And there she blows. The fart that was heard across the world. Not only was the sound so loud coming out of me, but because we were on a wooden bench, it echoed and vibrated. I was never more mortified in my life.

His reaction: priceless.

And now that I feel like I'm so much more closer to you guys, on to the next day.