Shrimp Bowl

What a game! What a game! I mean, I watched all of it and was rooting them on! I was also drinking heavily, eating SO much food and having a great time with my girls and boys at the Shrimp Bowl! I was dragging this morning, but it was worth it! The queen RiRi had DONE THE DAMN thing! And I ate my weight in shrimp, crab legs, potatoes, sausage and corn in some magic!

Work has been great. I am proud to say all three of my stores are staffed so I could focus on training!! That in itself is a blessing because then I can do a lot more to implement change. And have more time to take time off so I can travel, work on myself and do some more training as well!

You know how we do, my dear fans. The 5 of you that read this blog know l like to update life, work and love but my love life is on half pause, cause I have been super focused on healing from someone who wasn’t ready for me. But, I am keeping an open mind and open heart. I know it’s coming and I am excited!

Anyway, toodles! I’m killing this Mario game on the Nintendo switch!

Different America experience

I woke up today, watched the news and cried. I wish the mother-ship would come and take me home  where the world is peaceful and we aren't killing each other because we have different skin colors, or religions, or interests, etc. I don't understand why it's always "us against them". I don't understand why we can't just look at each other like two human beings in this sad world of ours full of injustice anyway. We all have our own America story. We all have our own experience. None of us live in a perfect world and we all have our trials and tribulations.

I wonder why we can't just get along or move along if we don't. I don't understand... It makes me sad. It upsets my soul. I hope it bothers you. I hope you know that if you feel a little danger, a gun is not the first thing you need to pull to disable the danger. A danger that may not end up being a danger at all but because you've been conditioned to believe that someone a little darker than you is an immediate threat. A danger that may have children at home, waiting for him to get home from the grocery store. A danger that is a man in this shitty world just like you are.

So that's how my Sunday began. I wonder what your America experience is. I always call on my readers to write me, and none of you do. But as much as some of you troll on FB and type your opinion where it doesn't matter, why don't you type it somewhere where it may? Like starting difficult conversations about your version of America and sharing it with someone who isn't like you? This world isn't puppies and sunshine. We aren't alone, but everyone is scared to care. And hey..I get it. If your world and your American dream isn't working out and you're bitter..I get it. I've been there and am there on some days. We can still chat about it.

Life is one. My enjoyment and disdain at the same time is sorting through myself, and no one wants to look in the mirror and analyze. Self-analyze. That's scary. We all want to believe we're good, kind, happy and that we try. So do it today. Go to that place of hurt. Understand it. Cry about it. Drink or smoke through it. But understand it. Be honest with yourself to admit when you are wrong, when you've said something racist, sexist or any kind of ism/t that represents your differences from someone else - but admit it. Admit it to yourself. Have that hard conversation with yourself and then find someone else and start it again. Keep working through it, because hate and fear were taught. Our way of "seeing differences" first was instilled by someone, somewhere in our lives; don't be afraid to admit they were wrong!!!




P.S. This was a backdated post from about two weeks ago and finished today. Thankfully it's not Sunday yet.

What we are meant to be will be

Who did you dream of being as a child? An astronaut exploring space, a nurse wanting to save lives or a teacher who helps students get off the street? What was your ultimate success story while you were an innocent human not knowing what troubles lie ahead?
I wanted to be a lawyer. Actually, no, let me rephrase that. My parents thought I could argue with anyone over anything. They thought I should be a successful lawyer forever arguing my life away. And, so as an 11 year old little girl in a foreign classroom, on career day I decided to look up the curriculum for a lawyer. I saw 6 years of school and thought "I barely know English. There is no way in hell!" Little did I know that I would grow up to love school and imagine myself as a lifetime learner. Now, if I could only get the government to grant me a career as a lifetime student. I mean, they let anyone be president nowadays. For agent orange's fan club, just *insert snarky comment and get off my blog*..for everyone else - "thank you and keep reading".
So, as I grew up I wanted to be a counselor. My 6th grade counselor Ms. E helped me so much that I would like to donate my time and sanity to some children and advise them about life. I mean all we need in life is some TLC and some time with our loved ones. When we grow up, we add people in our lives for short or long periods. It is up to us and them how long they stay and often, they leave us with a companion for life or just a lesson for future experiences.
I went to college and finished for Elementary Education. I had to first teach in the state of KY as an intern and I panicked. I also had a witch for a mentor teacher and she made my life a living hell. She was also very mean to the children, including her own, but no names shall be mentioned. So, I had to teach with a mentor Satan observing me and I panicked. I signed up for graduate school now and am still searching for myself. 
So, as I often ask of you, my dear readers, is usually to share something about your life. No worries. You won't be public. Your answers will help me fuel more people to talk and stop using Facebook as their counseling service. I would like to know what you wanted to be in life? Whether a mom, a sailor, or a truck driver. If you ended up being anything else, I would like to know that as well. I would even go as far as asking what your hobbies are or what you're good at? We often do not run in the directions to make our hobbies our careers, but if you have, I wanna KNOOOOOW!

What we are meant to be is written in the stars and planned just for us? So that would make us puppets and regardless what choices we make, they are leading us to something regardless of what we want or what path we take? If you're Christian, you believe we are made in God's image and that we have free will. So does that mean God had depression and anxiety? That makes sense why he rested on the 7th day.

If you would like to share your religious beliefs as well, we can make that next post topic. I prefer you being honest and respectful.

Ok! The End.

Inspiration

I am thinking it may be time for another 30 day blog challenge. I don't have the inspiration or the motivation lately to write. I am going through a lot here in the real world. I feel like I finally have my feelings on the right track with the right people. I'm more productive at work, so I am busier. I also am having health issues which I do not want to speak about just yet. No, I am not dying...not that I know of. My blog world used to be an escape but since I am kind of at a standstill, I have nothing to rant about.
I am waiting for something to inspire me in life, I guess. I feel like when women are in love, they blossom. The open up to new ideas, they become more caring and sensitive, but they also become more vulnerable. When they travel, they become more open-minded and worldly and that is a beautiful characteristic to have. I have not traveled lately and even though I am dating, I am currently not in love. So, I need to create my own inspiration. Not exactly sure where I should start. 
I will sit down and write a nice bucket list. Again. This time I am going to publish it here so you guys can keep me motivated. I would also like to ask you guys when you read this blog, to contact me. Message me, text me, email me, Facebook me, ...whatever..but I want you guys to tell me what I should add to my bucket list. Of course, I will look over every suggestion and take the ones that apply to me. For example, I have acrophobia (fear of heights) so if you tell me to get on a famous roller coaster somewhere, I probably will be unable to cross it off my list. So beauties and beasts, get on it. 

Move over, fat ass

Okay, so most of you know I have been losing weight since last year and the last time I blogged anything healthy was that I was 138or9 lbs.

Well, today I come to you weighing at a whopping 150lbs and UNHAPPY! I have gained most of my weight back and it's a little discouraging. I have been going to the gym as frequently as I can, which used to be every day and now I'm good if I can get a couple of days in. Many people are saying I am just building muscle and it weighs more than fat bla bla bla. I say I'm just back to being a fat ass who needs to go back to calorie counting.

Seriously?! This weight problem is annoying. I mean Jesus H. Christ on wheels, I have battled with it my whole life. Can a girl get a fucking break? It seems like I take one step forward and two steps backwards.
Well, it's time to fucking do something about it. From today, I am trying to eat better, cook more, eat junk less, be more active, be less bitchy (moderately less), be more happy! I am leaving for Bosnia in a month and a half and I want to have a fabulous body when I get there. Or at least, one I can be kind of proud of.

You don't understand..My people are judgmental little fucks. They are all thin and beautiful back in the mother country; high heels and motherfucking tiaras. I am NOT even exaggerating. I need to be HOT! Okay, enough of my pity party. I just need to stop whining and do it. I hate cooking with a passion. When it comes to cooking for myself, I'd rather skin a bear. It's not that I don't have a sense for it; I mean anyone can Google a recipe and copy it. It's just that I'm fucking lazy and want it fast. When my belly grumbles and lets me know "hey we're hungry", I want food then, not wait a damn half hour prep time, hour cook time and 15 minutes cleaning time. I want it NOW! 

Also, grocery shopping?! Ain't nobody got time for that!

In other news, lookie what my family did. Extremely proud of both of them for sticking by their promise and getting the tattoo with me. My older sister is a different story. Chickenshit.

¡Ay, caramba!

I AM HEADING TO MEXICO! LEAVING ON A JET PLANE, DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL BE BACK AGAIN.

Actually, I'll be back Saturday, March 1st.

I wish I was leaving and never coming back buuuut I guess I got used to this eating and paying bills thing, so I have to come back to my job. First vacation ever!!! I am so excited. We will be in bright, sunny Mexico on 23rd and are coming back on the 1st. I would have picked to stay longer because I had more days off but that's the minor details you have to suffer when you travel with someone else. Next time, I'm booking the details!

I have been packed for the past 4 days. I think I may need to fluff my clothes again in the dryer and refold them. They have been sitting in the suitcase on the floor since Monday. Yes, I lead a very sad life; even being as busy as I am (two jobs, gym and all my full time people in my life). I am also OCD and can't stand to forget things, therefore I pack sixteen weeks before anything and just keep repacking as needed. You should have seen me how I was when I was going to Spain for a month. Also, I hate packing and want to get the shit done ASAP!

I have got to look into things to do in Mexico or else I'm going to just spend my vacation sitting on the beach with a beverage in my hand, hoping that the alcohol pouring out of my pores can be used as a good tanning lotion. For sure, one of the things will be Chichen Itza (Mayan Ruins), one of the 7 world wonders. There is also an underground river that is supposed to be absolutely beautiful to swim through or boat/raft through, so I believe that's second. I want to swim with the dolphins as well.

Can I just stay? I really don't want to cram all these beautiful things into only 6 days!



*le sigh*

P.S. One thing off of my bucket list crossed off. :)

Resolutions

Bring on the New Year resolutions. Bring on the diets. Bring on the statuses about being better people. Bring on the gym-goers that I won't see next week. Bring on this "change" in the World.

Will it stay? Probably not. You all will post your resolutions on FB or any other social networking site. You will promise to travel the world, help the needy, volunteer at a soup kitchen, be a better person. You will look at your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/fiance and promise that you will be more considerate, caring and loving. You shared a kiss with them at midnight; they are important to you obviously. You will talk about how much you want or need to do this, but deep inside you're just saying that. You will sign up for gym, go once and complain how sore you are and quit. I know you. I used to be you.

I am not here to say you cannot, although some of you may need the reverse psychology. I am not here to push you or make you feel guilty. I mean, I'm just ranting on my own blog.. you can take it however you'd like it. I am here to speak my truth.

Anything that you want to do, you will. If you want to, you will find a way; if you don't, you will find an excuse. That's as simple as it is. You can alter anything in life. Your habits, your way of eating, your social drinking, your weight, your lying, your lack of romance, your social demeanor, your emotions. But, it's much easier to keep doing bad. It's much easier to settle yourself into the life that you've lived for so long because you fear change.. we all do it. It's much easier to be lazy and let someone else do the work for you. After all, that has become the American lifestyle and don't get me even started on what us Bosnians are like. It's much easier to sit on the couch and wish for the body that you will never have rather than work for it. It's much easier to give up on your partner than to resolve your daddy or mommy issues. It's much easier to lie to your loved one to cover up a mistake, rather than talk about it like a grown up and accept your consequences.

You don't have to do what I do. You will find an excuse why you can't, or why you won't that day. Or the day after. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Look in that mirror and tell it to yourself, not to me. I don't care if you change. I don't have to carry your weight or look like you. I don't have to lay on the bed to button up my jeans or worry about running out of breath when I walk through the mall. I don't have to wear shirts over my bathing suit because I'm ashamed and I don't have to worry about my joints hurting because they are constantly under pressure. I don't have to be ashamed of my own body. See? We really don't have to do anything we don't want to.


So welcome 2014 with what you WANT and work your ass off to get it.