Four five seconds from wildin'

Hello, my dear readers, stalkers, shit-talkers and my ride or die mamas. I go on rants almost every other day for some stupid crap us humans do, but this time I've hit my mothereffin' limit. This is mainly because most of the people cannot handle the truth and are pansies about everything. Guys and girls alike need to put on their big girl panties and deal with the cold, hard truth. I am a very blunt person. I cannot reiterate that enough to you people. You can either handle it, and get to know me or you can get to steppin'. I don't like having to constantly explain myself, the things I say or do, and the way I generally am. Recently, I've been called two-faced, untrustworthy, opportunist and manipulative even by a douchemonkey who let me believe he was different. Let me break those words down to you and see if I can get you on team Gabi. If by the end of this blog post, I cannot do that, then you are more than welcome never to speak to me again. In fact, I welcome on taking the trash out of my life.

Two-faced- deceitful or hypocritical.
I have never lied about anything. If at some point it seemed like I have, it's to protect the other person's feelings. If I think someone will break down or be hurt by what I have to say, I will sugar-coat it the best I can, but the truth will still be told. I don't like laying my head down at night knowing that I have consciously deceived someone.

Untrustworthy- not worthy of being trusted.
What goes on between me and you, stays between me and you. The good, the bad and the ugly is going with me to my grave. My best friends know everything, yes, but do you think I would pick them if I couldn't trust them myself? If I am angry with you, I will not spill your secrets. If you hurt me, disappoint me, lie to me, cheat on me..what have it..I will still keep your secrets, BUT let me remind you that I can break you. So don't, please don't turn me into the crazy bitch. I don't like her very much.

Opportunist- a person who adapts his actions, responses, etc. to take advantage of opportunities. circumstance or people.
I will NEVER do anything I don't want to do. If I was an opportunist, I would have married several times over just for the chance not to work, to shop and to have someone. I haven't. I don't hang out with people I don't like regardless whatever they can do for me. I don't take advantage of anyone regardless of how they have made me feel or what they may have done to me.

Manipulative- influencing or attempting to influence the behavior or emotions of other's for one's own purposes.
I mean let's be honest, if I could do this, I would make a lot more money, have a lot more friends, have nicer things. etc. I don't have enough energy to manipulate someone's feelings or life, because frankly I can't even make myself do shit I don't want to do. If I could, I would have a size 4 waist, because I'd make my ass go to the gym or stop eating shitty.

Regardless of what you think of me, be an adult about it. Tell me to my face...that's if you have balls to have your shit handed to you by a girl. Toodles!

One Day

One day I am going to wake up and be okay..but today is not the day. One day I am going to wake up and feel happy..but today is not that day. One day I am going to wake up and feel loved, cherished and respected but again, today, is not that day. I have been on the beaten path before but now like today. Today, I feel worn down and exhausted. I feel unwanted and disrespected. I feel hurt and scared. I also feel angry.

I don't know how to be loved or accept compliments. I don't know how to act when someone considers me in everything he does. I don't know what it's like to feel taken care of. So most of the time, if someone offers these qualities to me, I feel like I need to put my running shoes on and bail. I don't. I only bail when there is something in the relationship I cannot deal with. Most do not understand this and think that I am just looking for an excuse. Look, here is the road map to me. Basically, I am a girl. DUH. I have feelings. DUH. I may act tough or whatever, but I have a heart and I wear it on my sleeve. Every single one of my relationships I view as a lesson. If it worked out for a while, it made me aware of the things I'm looking for and if it didn't last long, it made me aware of things I cannot deal with. The qualities I look for in a man aren't simple and that's because I am not simple. I am not going to be just happy with someone who is good with words but not with actions. Or vice versa. I am an old soul. I love to be appreciated, and cuddled and taken care of. I want to feel like I'm his world, and not just his favorite option. Chances are, I am obsessed with him and have made him the center of mine. I want a gentleman; someone who opens doors and makes me feel like a girly girl. That's usually when the girl in me comes out and wants to take care of you. I want someone who communicates the good, the bad and the ugly. Who isn't afraid to battle with me, and who isn't afraid to fight for us. I want a partner, someone I can depend on. Someone who can consider me in his decisions as well as talk to me about problems. I can go on and on and make a list of my perfect man..but the closest thing I got to that someone, was someone who couldn't..or wouldn't change.  P.S. I went on a Facebook deletion spree. I chose not to continue to get my feelings hurt. I got tired of being a girl when I felt no longer desired or respected by the former man in my life.

If everyone can have it, I don't want it

My happily married friends and acquaintances tell me it's sad that I haven't settled down yet. And I'm just like..

Then, when a problem arises in their marriage and they're not as happy, who do they talk to? Me! The single girl who tends to give the best advice for people other than herself. Frankly, I should start charging.

I remember how they "pity" me because I'm single, I don't have a support system, I don't have anyone to share finances with or my problems with or any of that crap..

 And then I'm like..

Quickly, I remember tho

- I get sleep when and where I want

- I go out and drink without worrying about a baby sitter

- I don't have to worry about cooking and cleaning for someone

- And my checking accounting dictates how wild I can live my life

So then I'm like..

But real talk guys. People don't realize how serious relationships are. We live in a world where people don't fix things anymore. They walk away and look for something new. They don't stick around and fight. And why should they when you're just an option to them and they can just turn on the trusty FB and move on to the next one? Why should anyone work for it when your relationship wasn't consisting of just you and him, but it was you, him, his ex, his single friends, that one girl he sleeps with when he's single, that one girl he would sleep with if he had a chance and not to mention little trashy FB girls who add anyone for attention. 

In today's society, we quickly have become dispensable. You argue with your boyfriend and he quickly turns to someone else for comfort. And that's the main reason I stick to "If everyone can have it, I don't want it," I don't want your "good morning beautiful" texts if you're texting it to 10 other girls. I don't want your attention if any girl with a tight skirt can get it. I don't want you to like me if you think all it takes is some alcohol and a few nice words. I don't want your apologies if you are going to make the same mistakes over and over again. The person you end up with, the one you fall truly in love with and want to marry; you need to feel that they are the best for you or it's never going to work. Yes, we all have flaws..but this includes flaws and all. If they aren't the best for you, then at some point you will start looking elsewhere. 

And if I am not your best, then simply don't waste my time.

Humor for a rainy Tuesday

This is basically me talking shit, but I mean c'mon.. when do I not? And I'm pretty hilarious so it's allowed. This is pretty much going to be just a bullshit blog post because lately I haven't been into blogging. I was taking a break trying to reinvent my life and now that that is TOTALLY not working out, I am back. Somewhat.

The End

So the end of an era has come. I was in a 2.5 year relationship that was and has been ending badly for some time. The feelings are there but the effort, trust and communication haven't been lately, if ever. If the movies make you believe love is enough to conquer all, you're an idiot. In real life it takes much more than that to make it through any relationship, no matter how good it is. Having trust doesn't mean that the person will never hurt you. It means that you know the person well enough that you should know they won't hurt you on purpose. It also means that you know them enough to not listen to everything you hear, believe everything you see and take the time to listen to reason. If you love the person and know them, a chance to explain the utmost unreasonable should be given; chances are it was given to you. Most people don't; they assume, they generalize. When it comes to the flight or fight instinct, we have become a fleeing nation. Communication is really the key. Whatever you like or don't like will not always be cared about but if you never vocalize anything then you're partially to blame why the person keeps doing what they are doing. They will only do to you what you allow them to do. I know this is easier stated, than actually lived, but ultimately your heart is on the line and if you're planning to fight, you need to do so with full cards on the table. Anyway, since the relationship has ended, I have decided to do for me. Live for me, plan for me, cross things off my bucket list and have some fun along the way. Because let's be serious. Dating? Awkward. Uncomfortable. Unnerving. Disappointing. Not always, but most of the time.

And let's be honest. I am 29. I am not getting any younger or any more virile. I'm not 50 either, but the chances of me finding a guy compared to 18 year olds my ex is probably chasing with tits to their neck and an ass that could open beer bottles, are slim. 

We also cannot forget the many. many douchebags in this world. Just don't pretend to be the nice guy if you aren't.

And last but not least, we cannot forget what I am like. HOT MESS EXPRESS! I may be proven wrong..we shall see.