One Day

One day I am going to wake up and be okay..but today is not the day. One day I am going to wake up and feel happy..but today is not that day. One day I am going to wake up and feel loved, cherished and respected but again, today, is not that day. I have been on the beaten path before but now like today. Today, I feel worn down and exhausted. I feel unwanted and disrespected. I feel hurt and scared. I also feel angry.

I don't know how to be loved or accept compliments. I don't know how to act when someone considers me in everything he does. I don't know what it's like to feel taken care of. So most of the time, if someone offers these qualities to me, I feel like I need to put my running shoes on and bail. I don't. I only bail when there is something in the relationship I cannot deal with. Most do not understand this and think that I am just looking for an excuse. Look, here is the road map to me. Basically, I am a girl. DUH. I have feelings. DUH. I may act tough or whatever, but I have a heart and I wear it on my sleeve. Every single one of my relationships I view as a lesson. If it worked out for a while, it made me aware of the things I'm looking for and if it didn't last long, it made me aware of things I cannot deal with. The qualities I look for in a man aren't simple and that's because I am not simple. I am not going to be just happy with someone who is good with words but not with actions. Or vice versa. I am an old soul. I love to be appreciated, and cuddled and taken care of. I want to feel like I'm his world, and not just his favorite option. Chances are, I am obsessed with him and have made him the center of mine. I want a gentleman; someone who opens doors and makes me feel like a girly girl. That's usually when the girl in me comes out and wants to take care of you. I want someone who communicates the good, the bad and the ugly. Who isn't afraid to battle with me, and who isn't afraid to fight for us. I want a partner, someone I can depend on. Someone who can consider me in his decisions as well as talk to me about problems. I can go on and on and make a list of my perfect man..but the closest thing I got to that someone, was someone who couldn't..or wouldn't change.  P.S. I went on a Facebook deletion spree. I chose not to continue to get my feelings hurt. I got tired of being a girl when I felt no longer desired or respected by the former man in my life.