Adult status

Well, well, well. Gabi has finally grown up. Instead of living with college students and wanting to shoot myself in the head, I finally had started another chapter in my life. I moved into a house!!! Of course, cue happy dance.

The house is 2 bedroom, possibility of the attic being a third bedroom, full basement, gorgeous back yard and a sweet roommate. I am very excited to enter this new chapter of my life. With the moving to the house, I also decided it was time I actually got a big girl bedroom set and a mattress that wasn't 10 years old or belonged in a dorm room. My new mattress is a memory foam one with the snazzy cooling gel in it. It's supposed to last like 10-25 years so at some point, this will be me.

Next, I need to make a decision whether I am going to get a dog or a cat. I am an animal lover. To me, if I could have 2 of each, I'd be the happiest but I am not even 30; I don't want to be the crazy cat lady yet. I'll wait a few more years for the single life to have that effect on me and who knows? Until then..

Mama is HOME!

Well..the other home..you know, the one overseas. Technically, I am home here too. But that one is my home home. This one is my current one.

Oh whatevs, you know what I mean..just read on.

So, anyway..a few months ago, I wrote a post freaking out about going home 20 years later. You can read about that here. 

It wasn't bad at all. We landed in Zagreb, and took the bus to Banja Luka, Bosnia. Arriving at the bus station, the city still looked very unfamiliar to me but that's mostly because when I was younger, I never went to the city's traveling bus stop. We rode in the cab all the way to my grandmother's apartment building. The moment the cab driver pulled up, tears ran down my face involuntarily. I was home. 

My grandmother didn't know we were coming and now that I think about it, surprising her after 10 years probably wasn't the best idea. Poor woman could have had a heart attack! Seeing each other after so long, we handled it like champs cried like little girls. She wouldn't let us out of her sight for the first few days so we got nothing done and went nowhere. After that we were let loose like a pack of wild animals and some of us didn't make it home until 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning.

What can I say? My country knows how to party.

So anyway, we spent the next two weeks sightseeing, shopping, visiting a WHOLE bunch of family and friends I did not know we had. It looked something like this.

Oh, wait? Did you think I was finished? Oh honey child, just because I post pics doesn't mean I'm done! So after the wonderful two weeks with my grandmother, uncle and various other company in Banja Luka, Bosnia we decided to go to Croatia. For one my dad lives there and I couldn't wait to see him, and for two grandma is turning 80 and mom wanted to give her a birthday present that she would absolutely love.

So the four of us (mom, me, little sister and grandma) took a bus from Banja Luka to Livno, from Livno to Split and from Split to Trogir, then a cab ride to Ciovo and voila. I was in home number two. Did I mention home number two is two houses down from the beach and the Adriatic sea? Must have slipped my mind. While I was in Croatia, I traveled with my dad to Vojnic to pick up his girlfriend. We went the sea route of course. I wanted to watch the sea while traveling as long as I could. 

Mom and grandma went back to Bosnia after 6 days and my little sister decided to stay for a little while longer with me.

We came back to Bosnia 5 days later and then traveled back to the US couple of days later.

Instead of drowning you with the history of me, or the stories that were told back and forth..I rather will leave you with the beautiful pictures of both of my homes. I hope you enjoy.

P.S. I should have married and stayed.. Haha not. Seriously.

This wand business

I have never ever been a beauty queen. Or claimed to be one. I was always more of a sweatpants-hair tied-no make up-but I got 20 minutes of extra sleep-girl. Sleep is very important folks, both for my skin and my no maintenance personality. 

I always envied the girls I saw in high school, and in college that looked like they got up 3 hours early just to wash their dry, blow dry it, straighten/curl it, tease it, put make up on, find a fashion designer, get their outfit made, find shoes to go with it, match perfect accessories with their outfit and voila. Beauty queens. They were the Regina Georges, I was Cady Heron before the makeover. (Mean Girl reference..people, get with the prog.)
Anyway..Now, it's my time bitches. I had a coworker tell me about her curling wand and I never really paid any attention to her until she came into the office at 7am with her hair curly, her make up intact while I looked like a wildebeest. I'll admit, I was bash her in the head type a little jealous. I asked for pointers because it looked like she spent hours on it when she assured me her long, thin hair took only 5-10 minutes of her time.
So I decided to order one and try it. HOLY SHIT PEOPLE! This is serious business. My hair is long, and it's semi thick because I am balding (insert any old hag joke here), but it literally took me 10 minutes to do my whole hair and apply my makeup this morning. I am in love. I thought I would never utter those words to any beauty product..because let's face it, I was never going to fucking waste my sleep..but, but FOR CEREAL, I am in love.

I mean aren't those curls uh-may-zing?! Yes, I am such a dork but I am so friggin' excited about this development in my life. All you heifers are getting married and having babies. I'm over here like check out my push-ups, look at my curls and check out my pics while I travel the world, bitch.

Toodles!

Move over, fat ass

Okay, so most of you know I have been losing weight since last year and the last time I blogged anything healthy was that I was 138or9 lbs.

Well, today I come to you weighing at a whopping 150lbs and UNHAPPY! I have gained most of my weight back and it's a little discouraging. I have been going to the gym as frequently as I can, which used to be every day and now I'm good if I can get a couple of days in. Many people are saying I am just building muscle and it weighs more than fat bla bla bla. I say I'm just back to being a fat ass who needs to go back to calorie counting.

Seriously?! This weight problem is annoying. I mean Jesus H. Christ on wheels, I have battled with it my whole life. Can a girl get a fucking break? It seems like I take one step forward and two steps backwards.
Well, it's time to fucking do something about it. From today, I am trying to eat better, cook more, eat junk less, be more active, be less bitchy (moderately less), be more happy! I am leaving for Bosnia in a month and a half and I want to have a fabulous body when I get there. Or at least, one I can be kind of proud of.

You don't understand..My people are judgmental little fucks. They are all thin and beautiful back in the mother country; high heels and motherfucking tiaras. I am NOT even exaggerating. I need to be HOT! Okay, enough of my pity party. I just need to stop whining and do it. I hate cooking with a passion. When it comes to cooking for myself, I'd rather skin a bear. It's not that I don't have a sense for it; I mean anyone can Google a recipe and copy it. It's just that I'm fucking lazy and want it fast. When my belly grumbles and lets me know "hey we're hungry", I want food then, not wait a damn half hour prep time, hour cook time and 15 minutes cleaning time. I want it NOW! 

Also, grocery shopping?! Ain't nobody got time for that!

In other news, lookie what my family did. Extremely proud of both of them for sticking by their promise and getting the tattoo with me. My older sister is a different story. Chickenshit.

20 years later

So, 20 years since I've been back to my hometown in Bosnia and I am nervous. I am travelling in May and coming back in June with my sister and my mother. My father doesn't know I'm coming and neither does my grandmother. I want it to be a nice surprise. I have many emotions running through me about going back. I just hope I can handle it. If you don't know why I am nervous, shame on you for not keeping up with World news and if you are younger than 20 years old, disregard that comment.

In 1992, war broke out in Bosnia and many of us were chased out of our homes, our families and friends were killed and we left our country in refuge for a better tomorrow. My sister and I had to leave after the war was over in 1995 and we moved to Croatia to be with our father.
Many of my memories are suppressed deep down and it will take years of therapy to recollect all of the things I forgot. Not to mention, many of us have undiagnosed PTSD and it affects us daily in our lives. Most of our people found refuge in America and it wasn't easy starting a new life. We dealt with prejudice, religious bashing, nightmares and general terrorizing from the American people. Don't get me wrong; not everyone was the same. There are some genuinely good human souls out there. I am forever thankful to live here and be safe, but not everyone feels the same about us being here. We are intruders, job-stealers, terrorists, corrupt, ugly reminders of the past.

Now, after 20 years I am going back to the place that started it all. Going back to the place where my memories lie buried, to the place that set the standards of my growing up. I had the best childhood growing up. We didn't have distractions like kids today have. We were raised to respect, work hard and to stand up for what we believed in. We had happiness; genuine, innocent friendships. I miss my family and want to see them! But..I'm scared. I'm scared that the memories will come rushing back and I will come unhinged. I'm scared that I may go and not come back the same person I've become or worse.

I hope this trip opens my eyes, brings my memories back so I can remember where I came from and instills all of my family morals further. I hope it's a growing experience instead of just revealing scary skeletons in my closet.

I hope...I'll keep you updated.