No one is coming

No one is coming to save you. No one is coming to intentionally empathize or change your life. No one is coming to wipe your face, or dust the dirt off your petticoat. That's what I've realized this year; like truly, wholly realized. It hit me like a wet towel across my face when I got yet another call with bad news on the other line about my physical body. There is no one out there that's going to save you from life, from pain, from rejection, from living with yourself. You have to learn to pour into yourself because your heart, your body, your mind, your spirit...are the first home you have. Only one person that truly will be there for you- is you. And you better get your stuff together girl, cause no one is coming!

First thing, I have recently experienced a disappointment in how my love life was going. It's okay. I'm an idiot...again. I shouldn't have let myself slip for someone that wasn't available to catch me, or willing. In his defense, he warned me. I had faux hope- lesson learned. I am changing that pattern because it doesn't serve the person I am becoming. I am stepping into my full feminine and that takes lots of vulnerability and growth. Not everyone can handle that and that is okay. Sometimes, people tell you or show you that you're too much; you just need a man with bigger hands. Next thing- I have recently experienced love and intimacy which has opened me up to the desire of dating again. The desire to be wanted, loved, cared for, impressed, and honestly? Claimed. Last thing, the same person has disappointed me and also shown me what I am capable of when it comes to relationships, no matter how complicated. I'm thankful. I've learned I want more understanding, less reading between the lines and more of the "Do you want to be mine- circle yes or no."

We often are not very forward with each other. We hide behind masks, we project insecurities and aggravations on others, we perform what our parents taught us or how life molded us. I have decided this year early on that I was going to be radically honest about everything. That is how we grow, how we evolve, how we become- in truth. I was born and raised in a not very honest family, and then add the dishonesty of the world, the greed, manipulations, the omission of truth and BOOM! You get human beings in fear of communication and touch, which are the two most important senses. We forgot how to BE. We are so busy doing, setting goals, running after money and nose-deep in the technology that we have forgotten about the importance of making memories without media.

I have a fantastic retreat coming up with amazing humans in the NY mountains. To meet, to hug, to connect with and speak my truth. To grow, remember, disconnect and just BE with. The 16 year old girl inside me has been screaming that she needs a safe space, a quiet space, a soft space for months. She has been begging for life, for love, for connection, for romance and all she has gotten is death, disappointment, an inferiority complex, and soft rejections. Now, one thing that the adult me has figured out is how to compartmentalize and just keep swimming. I have to, for survival, focus on me. Life has smacked me in the face with a wet towel and this retreat is perfect, Divine timing!

Toodles!