We live every day trying to avoid it but it catches up. Something no one can fix. Something no one can control or change. Death. When it comes, it brings violent waves of grief.
So an old friend of mine died a couple of weeks ago and even know we hadn't been in much contact over the last few years while she was sick, the grief has hit me in waves. Waves of days okay and not okay, as well as waves of emotions like anger, to envy, to sadness, and spectrums of each. It's been a wild and weird ride. I've experienced enough death for my 39 years here on Earth, and let me say that it never gets easier. Grief never gets easier. There is nothing anyone can say to comfort you. Today, I find a friend lost his dear dog. Death, no matter how big, always brings grief, and that grief is personal and it comes in spirals for all of us.
You know, historically, grief after death was often expressed publicly through mourning rituals, but in the 20th and 21st centuries, it became increasingly viewed as a private, personal experience. Something jaded inside of me says capitalism had something to do with that and someone is definitely earning off of that idea. Anywho, grief is awful and just because there is nothing anyone can say doesn't mean you have to do it alone. You shouldn't do it alone. Grief can come for different reasons. Losing a job, a relationship or some dream that you were chasing after. It can also be death of an actual person, animal or a character you once were in your life. However, human beings sometimes suck at being comforting. We don't know what to say, we don't know how to be there or we make assumptions someone wants to be left alone. I didn't grow up in a very comforting family, and when I did have something to grieve I did it alone to which I promised myself I wouldn't ever do that to someone else.
All this to say, if you know of someone who is dealing with grief, ask them what they need. If you have an anxious friend or the loss is fresh and they're still in shock, show up! Bring dinner. Watch a movie. Have a cry sesh. Have a smoke sesh and then a cry sesh. Let them tell you memories of their person. Show you pictures of their dog and reminisce. Give them longs hugs. Give them permission to just need your presence in the room while they cry and do dishes. The ideas are endless!
Grief is fucking awful, weird, exhausting and difficult. And we should never do things that feel like that, ALONE!
