Parents

Oh you chose me. For whatever reason you chose to have me. I've often wondered why God said "Those parents!" and just handed me over. Mom, I just never could be a full girl; but as I'm finding out you're not much of one either. Dad, I am the best son you've ever had; I take care of myself and you've never really had to worry about paying for my dresses, books and college. I took care of me. You both have taught me so much and I just cannot thank you enough. It hasn't been an easy road and the fact that it's still unsure is a bit disconcerting.  There are many things you've taught me; there are many things I've had to learn on my own when I wasn't ready. I grew up fast, and hard, I learned things the hard way and I've been put through hell. You've been there times to pick me up and often, it was great timing. I didn't have to ask. I never did.  My dear parents, you tried your best. Of that, I'm pretty sure. I cannot thank you enough for being there for me when I needed you the most and when I didn't think I had it in me to keep going. For some reason, I always found my way back to you; whether it was to visit Dad back home in Croatia, move in with mom or move mom in after life decides to show its ugly side. Dad, you have always been my parent. I think this is because we never had many chances to mess it up. We didn't have time for you to see that I am not a perfect daughter. I mess up. A loooooot. And that's okay. A lot of time has been missed, so you and home are my happy place. It's a little smaller now, but memories of a family long ago still make it warm. We've been the same person since the day I was born. I have your temperament, your honesty, your bluntness and your logical side. I am stubborn when I don't need to be and often mean sometimes. Basically, I'm like the son you've always wanted. My face shows my whole life to someone who pays attention, so far only a few often know how I feel. You were always in your own positive world even when you've felt like you've lost it all but I saw you, dad. I've seen you sad, I've seen you happy and I've seen you worried. I've been with you every step thousands of miles away. I paid attention; I pay attention. I am glad someone is there to take care of you when you need her. You have been and always will be my father. Never, ever forget that no matter who says what and never ever leave me. Mom. Oh mom! Where do I begin with you? My whole life begins with you and your choices. One night, and nine months later; TADA, here I am guys! Except back then I didn't do much cussing or else a shoe thrown from somewhere in the house would have found the back of my head in my steps. Now, I enjoy having you in my life, in our home and as a friend. We didn't have that. I had a tired mom, a working mom, a young and divorced mom, and eventually a mom to a newborn. I shared my mom and that was painful, but man, I grew up to take no shit! I want to travel with you, I want to see the world with and I want you to be happy. I cannot wait to start the business and just make the life that we always knew we were capable of. We had chains that kept us bound for many years and now that it's off, it's like the curse has been lifted and we have moved on. You have always believed in me; I often don't believe in myself. You have always encouraged me and I cannot thank you enough for picking me up when I was down. To this day, you still deal with my panic attacks, and when I think that I am not good enough. There is a question in life that you ask yourself and it's always why me? What did I do to deserve this? Most of the time it is calmed down and replaced with positivism by you at the beginning of the day, middle afternoon and when I come home. I love you. You have 45 years to live. Pa opet.