Woah, we are actually nuts

Dear readers, are you ready to laugh at how crazy women actually are? So here is a little story to help you grasp the insanity that I have in my head on a daily basis.

So, my boyfriend and I broke up. It's a really sad thing. I kinda, sorta, possibly really did love him. Okay, so anyways, it was me that called it quits generally for the sake of my individuality. I didn't want to be in a relationship where I didn't trust him and he didn't trust me. Both of us have fucked up over and over again and despite the warning signs telling us not to, we fell in love and ruined each other's lives. There were lies, there was hidden information, there was that one thing with the rules, and a lot of "who the hell is that texting" and just general hatred of our opposite sex friends.

Okay, I have been a tomboy my whole life. I had two best girl friends that I can remember and that was it. The rest were boys. My dad for sure got a son, just with a vagina. I grew up not trusting females. They would stab you, lie to you, deceive you, sleep with your guy, get a boyfriend and ditch you completely, etc. The boys, I felt more comfortable with. First of all, they can't sleep with my bf or ex.

Anyways, on to my actual point. I got handed a ultimatum. I didn't make a choice and the silence was enough for him to make the choice for me. Even though this was what I wanted, as soon as I got it..I didn't want it anymore. Now, don't get me wrong. He would be my perfect man if he wasn't so jealous and actually let me have my freedom..but he won't. That's not who he is and I can't ask him to be anything less or more than what he is just to be with me.

Okay, so my point? Women are insane. The thought creeps into my head every day about what he is doing, where he is, if someone is making him smile, things remind me of him and I want to share. While some of the thoughts turn my stomach, others make me miss him. I wrote the same text message at least 500 times and never sent it.

The reason I didn't send it? Going back would mean I let go of my individuality and become what he wants me to be. That isn't compromise anymore. That's me becoming someone I'm not. I love my freedom and I love him. He doesn't like the fact that I have male friends. He doesn't trust me. Those things won't change no matter how much we love each other. I've tried. Maybe not as many times or ways as I'd have liked, but I tried. Haha should have hired a counselor.

I've never had this problem with a guy before; they usually knew how I was before the relationship. I don't know why this one didn't believe me.

One thing he said and he was right; I do stand up for people that would never stand up for me. I also sacrifice my life for them and their happiness, when I should worry about my own. Not anymore. Thanks for that..

I guess it takes time, but I swear one more person tells me that to comfort me and I'm snapping necks!