Holy crap, Batman

Hello my dear readers, 

I have abandoned you. I just left you on read with no message in sight. Today, I write because I realize I haven't in a while and also because I haven't felt like myself this year. I would like to see if everyone is falling apart this year or is it just some of us? My friends, family, neighbors, community just seems to be going through some changes and I am not quite sure what is happening in our Universe that is upending everything we have ever known. It's like the shift in the Universe is telling us to slow down and speed up at the same time, and half of us are on a standstill anyway. 

For example, myself- I have never been the type to job hop or not be satisfied with a job and simply walk away, but this year I have done exactly that. I start my new job in July and I am excited to see where the HR world can take me next, while I dream of owning my own business that I don't think I would ever open. The ADD part of me just cannot settle on any one thing. (the H is sought after because someone please give me some energy and hyperactivity)

To even begin discussing my love life, I would like to begin that journey by sharing a description of an image and have you imagine what that looks like to you (if you're able to picture stuff, count yourself lucky- I have aphantasia). Imagine a hot, sunny day with no cloud in the sky. The wind is still. The temperature is 100 degrees and rising. You are standing in the middle of the dessert, with no water bottle, no provisions and nothing with which to shield yourself away from the sun. And you're just standing there, sweating, hoping someone comes. That's the depiction of my current state of love. Well, human love. The animal love is there a 1000% and I couldn't be more grateful.

I currently have Stitch and the 4 cats (Oreo, Mushu, Gypsy and Rain) in the house and the chickens outside - although Thelma sometimes like to come inside. The tiny farm also has a small rabbit living inside it's hostas by the front door. He comes out to greet me when I am coming home and he skeddadles back into the hostas when he sees me coming out in the morning! I haven't named him yet, just because when he grows up I know he will be leaving the hosta home and then I will be sad. And also, I live on a main road with no sidewalk- no bueno for tiny yard animals. 

Anyway, readers that is just a little update on the madness that is 2024. I hope that you are one of the ones that the Universe is missing with her x-ray vision, and that all is going well for you. Drop in the comments how your 2024 is happening so far!

Toodles!

Second chances

Well hello there! I have been in a more creative mood lately and wish my ADHD would allow me to sit down and write them out. I have been journaling a lot more than usual and it feels good to let things out, however it’s also very lonely to be the only human in the house. Lots of changes- miss Gypsy came into my life and birthed Loki, Storm, Gypsy Jr, and Rain. And then everyone went to their forever home but Gypsy mama and Rain stayed. And then we added Lola!

First, mama’s gone back home this year!! This was a soul healing trip full of adventures, celebrations, happiness, family, friends and ALLLLLLL the Adriatic. 🖤 Therapy has me in a new awakening- it always takes a heart break to kick you in the ass! 🫡 LOL!

I have been ready to date again since last year and well, it didn’t happen last year. But this time around, I think it will. And I am happy with what the Universe has given me lately. She is definitely showering me with a lot more happiness, community, trust and random laughter. I am totally here for it! 

Secondly, I was in Hot Yoga Nash studio all weekend for a Buti cert audit and as much as I enjoyed 30 hours of yoga, I am absolutely, utterly exhausted, broken and sore but so damn happy! I mean, seriously?! Life changing! Nashville, I may be coming for you!!

Shrimp Bowl

What a game! What a game! I mean, I watched all of it and was rooting them on! I was also drinking heavily, eating SO much food and having a great time with my girls and boys at the Shrimp Bowl! I was dragging this morning, but it was worth it! The queen had DONE THE DAMN thing! And I ate my weight in shrimp, crab legs, potatoes, sausage and corn in some magic!

Work has been great. I am proud to say all three of my stores are staffed so I could focus on training!! That in itself is a blessing because then I can do a lot more to implement change. And have more time to take time off so I can travel, work on myself and do some more training as well!

You know how we do, my dear fans. The 5 of you that read this blog know l like to update life, work and love but my love life is on half pause, cause I have been super focused on healing from someone who wasn’t ready for me. But, I am keeping an open mind and open heart. I know it’s coming and I am excited!

Anyway, toodles! I’m killing this Mario game on the Nintendo switch!

Anonymous

You know, there was a time when we didn’t hide behind little screens and anonymous comments. There was a time when we had courage to talk our differences out instead of running. There was even a time when people actually had conversations face to face. We don’t seem to live in that time anymore. We are keyboard warriors, micro aggression having humans and we haven’t leaned into vulnerability in decades! Now, I understand the world changes and some of the technology that we have come up with to make our lives easier is doing exactly that, but weren’t we taught that everything that comes easy isn’t worth having? That’s because we weren’t supposed to be using technology so much that we forget our humanity. We forgot what it was like waiting for something to happen and having the patience to watch it unfold. We forgot what it felt like to have to apologize to someone and having the guts to look them in the face to admit you're wrong, not sending some text saying "Sorry" it took you one second to even think about. 

Instead, we comment anonymously on someone's blog without having the guts to face them, or we accumulate the dislikes, disappointments and then lash them out online. Maybe we collect them inwardly and turn on ourselves. Either way, we have been avoiding the real problems and staying silent. We forgot humanity, above all else and we turned on each other with such a hatred rather than doing what every single religion preaches which is LOVE. Have love for yourself, for your fellow humans- not just the ones you kind of like. Have enough courage to bring up the hard subjects and stay objective discussing them. Have enough vulnerability to recognize your first world fucking problems, entitlement and the privilege that you have. 

I chose to lean into curiosity instead and find out the why. I chose to find people interesting and step out of my comfort zone each day in some way to get to know other humans as they are, not as I want them to be. I chose to be among people and all of their dirty laundry, not shy away from society because there's movements we are uncomfortable with. And now, I chose to get offline and go tend to my own needs as COVID is slowly easing the hatred it has for my body.

“Nothing happens until something moves.”- Albert Einstein

Toodles!

Covid Chronicles

Hello, my dear readers! 

This girl has COVID and has it kind of rough. Go figure I get it when I planned a road trip weekend! These past couple of months have not been kind to my physical or my mental health. It seems I take a step forward and 5 back; I know that life is trying to teach me lessons but can I have a small break? I’ve learned them- over and over. Don’t play with boys that don’t plan a future and don’t lick people’s faces? Were those it?! Cause lessons learned! 

On a brighter note, I get to be home with my boys and since my depression has been rearing its ugly head lately, I can try and use this home time to center myself again. One problem I can see is the isolation, but with all the stimuli I’ve gotten lately it would be relaxing to just be home alone. Stitch also makes it super easy to be alone. He cuddles, he lays against me when I have fevers and he watches over me while I’m sick. Most people aren’t that comforting.

Mushu, on the other hand is currently wrapped around my feet, clawing and biting me...with love. Every time I don’t feel good he tries to entertain me with his antics and I love that. I could use the good mood. Today has been rough- fevers on and off. With those comes the high blood pressure and the ringing in the ears, as well as body aches, sniffles and a sore throat. I feel horrible! Thank God for great friends- Aaron brought me drinks and snacks and Iva is making sarma which are stuffed cabbage rolls! I usually get some at Christmas, but since I had a horrendous Christmas, I didn’t get to eat any. Also, my mother never brought me a plate like she said she would. Anyways, that’s my reality for right now people! Struggle is real!

Until next time, toodles!

So, therapy

 So, therapy taught me that more people need to go. I think the next time I am ready to put myself out there, that’s what’s going to say on my Hinge app. Being a responsible human being who wants to be around other people? We need a little a TLC. I mean, your brain deserves it and those who love you- or are trying to- deserve it as well! 

Currently, I am healing. I miss him. Looking back opened my eyes to a few things we should have both paid attention to from the beginning. Man, we sped things up and it felt great doing it. Trauma did that. One beautiful thing he taught me- hope!! I can do this. I know what I need in love, in relationships and it all begins with hope!

I am also currently missing a yoga studio so badly. Luckily, we are still getting together sometimes for pop up Buti classes. It has made me realize how much I love having this community around me in my daily life and how much I miss having it around. Most of the things in my life that were keeping me together have started slipping in some way, shape or form lately and it is driving me up the wall. I keep getting caught up in my own shit, and stay in it long enough it starts not to smell. I am trying so hard to come out of it. 

Sometimes, I truly can’t wait for my person. That man who is going to hear everything that I have to say, but will take only the important things to heart. The one who will take this world on with me, not fight with me about it. It’s not easy living as a minority in 2023, and a woman at that, but that’s a story for another time. Or stories. #metoo

Toodles.