The End

So the end of an era has come. I was in a 2.5 year relationship that was and has been ending badly for some time. The feelings are there but the effort, trust and communication haven't been lately, if ever. If the movies make you believe love is enough to conquer all, you're an idiot. In real life it takes much more than that to make it through any relationship, no matter how good it is. Having trust doesn't mean that the person will never hurt you. It means that you know the person well enough that you should know they won't hurt you on purpose. It also means that you know them enough to not listen to everything you hear, believe everything you see and take the time to listen to reason. If you love the person and know them, a chance to explain the utmost unreasonable should be given; chances are it was given to you. Most people don't; they assume, they generalize. When it comes to the flight or fight instinct, we have become a fleeing nation. Communication is really the key. Whatever you like or don't like will not always be cared about but if you never vocalize anything then you're partially to blame why the person keeps doing what they are doing. They will only do to you what you allow them to do. I know this is easier stated, than actually lived, but ultimately your heart is on the line and if you're planning to fight, you need to do so with full cards on the table. Anyway, since the relationship has ended, I have decided to do for me. Live for me, plan for me, cross things off my bucket list and have some fun along the way. Because let's be serious. Dating? Awkward. Uncomfortable. Unnerving. Disappointing. Not always, but most of the time.

And let's be honest. I am 29. I am not getting any younger or any more virile. I'm not 50 either, but the chances of me finding a guy compared to 18 year olds my ex is probably chasing with tits to their neck and an ass that could open beer bottles, are slim. 

We also cannot forget the many. many douchebags in this world. Just don't pretend to be the nice guy if you aren't.

And last but not least, we cannot forget what I am like. HOT MESS EXPRESS! I may be proven wrong..we shall see.

Last word

I grew up a kid of divorced parents and I was also a middle child, so I was fucked hardcore from beginning. I have many issues and none of them I fear. They're a part of me and every characteristic rolled up into this is me. I fear failure, I fear a lot of things in life, but I will never fear who I am. That's the only thing I have left in this world. My integrity. My self-righteousness and my word. I don't promise I'm an angel. I have fallen many times. I have clipped my wings once this little girl grew up and started living in our jacked up world. I don't promise to be a good sister, a good daughter or even a good friend. But one thing I do promise is that I will always tell it how it is. The truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth. I would rather hurt your feelings once with the truth, than hurt your feelings every time you remember the lie.
Few people know me as me and they take me as I am. I have mostly guy friends because frankly, girls talk shit. Girls remind me of my own weaknesses and guys are just easier with emotions than we are. I learn a lot from people I am around and I chose to surround myself with people who remind me how the world is and how the hell to deal with it all. I choose to surround myself with people who are honest; I sometimes fail. I fail to see the person for their true colors and I am often surprised when I feel the cold steel in my back. 
Many people don't know me at all. Usually, I try. I try to make you see me. I try to bring you into the world of Gabi, but often I make mistakes because I am human and sometimes, people judge me for the little stupid shit that happens. Chances are, my mistakes are twisted and turned into something ugly for the world to talk about it. If you never let me fix it, you never gave me a chance.
Here is a little, small, minute insight on me. I will never lie to you. If I fuck up, I will royally fuck up and stand by my mistakes. If I tell you you look fat in those jeans, you really do. If I tell you you're beautiful, I mean it with my whole heart. If I give you advice, it means I care enough about you to want you to do better. If I trust you, it means you've worked hard enough to jump over my walls and get in. I will never lie to protect your feelings because that lie will turn into many more I have to tell you to make sure you're okay and frankly, I am way too lazy to try to remember what I said to you yesterday to make sure it matches what I tell you today. My short term memory sucks anyway and I don't care to think too much. If I tell you I'm your friend, it means I will stand by you no matter what. If I tell you I love you, it means you're carrying my heart. Don't break it.

No one ever died from humor

Humor is a part of life and if you can't laugh at yourself, then shut your pie hole about other people's lives. For me, I laugh at something I do everyday. Mainly because I'm incredibly skilled in tripping over thin air and walking into walls. I always say quite a bit about my life on my blog and I feel like the readers I have, I am loyal to..but sometimes you have to take a break from reality and just fucking laugh. So enjoy the memes and have a great weekend. So how I feel after leg day

When I am in the gym, I tend to think I am the Hulk and I should be able to lift heavier and do more because well, stupid. Then the next day, I am praying to God to let me sit on the toilet because, well STUPID.

I took the same amount of pre-workout as I used to at the beginning of this year when I was regularly going to the gym because bad ass.

My most hated thing at the gym is when people are sitting at the machine, not using it and doing something else other than lifting. One of these days bro..one of these days.

I like to workout at my own pace, at my own weight skill and on my own time. I appreciate advice and constructive criticism, but...

My favorite question in the world is "you lift? you want to be huge?"

When people say lifting is bad for me, and that I should only do cardio so I don't get bulky.

OhEmGee

Is it possible to run away from your own life? I feel at some point today, I have reached a breaking point. The people that have said would never hurt me, did. The people that said they would never leave, have gone. Disappointment is a part of life but it seems like that's all my life has been lately; just a serious of hope and let downs. I am a chronic worrier and I am also the one who tries to fix things. I have the best intentions, really. From this moment, that stops. I am literally all out of fucks to give. I will no longer worry about people that don't worry about me. I will not try to fix any relationships, friendships or anything unless they show effort as well. So that's my small rant for today and now for the funny parts that you all expect from me. When one more person everyone tells me I am getting "up in age and I need to settle down and get married"

When people ask me if I am "done with drinking, partying and night clubs"

When people tell me I need to get serious about my life

When I am out with my married friends and they want to go home at 12 just as everyone is coming out

When all of my younger friends are getting married and I am just over here like...

Went to a wedding this weekend and got asked when it will be my turn

Just a little somethin' for Hump Day

So, most of you that know me know that I am a safety manager at a trucking company. Just means I babysit 50+ people who should know how to do their job already but don't. I wake up in the morning at 6am and my face is legit this..

Then, I get out of bed. I come to work. I try to enjoy my day and realize that my job pays my bills, lets me live comfortably and is very easy and laid back. Going throughout my day, I sometimes check FB and when I do..

Then I see posts by my homies and I just laugh at the above and move on with my day. Because "ain't nobody got time fo' dat". 

After I get off work, I never have plans. It's like wherever the wind takes me. Basically means I have time to gym and just choose to be a lazy ass, but my day is coming y'all. If I crash on the couch, I watch my new favorite show "Sons of Anarchy" and let's be honest why all women watch it..

But fact is I really love Gemma. She is one bad ass bitch. Makes me really want to start a motorcycle gang like "Breaking Bad" made me want to cook meth. Yes, I have issues.

Today is a special day because I get to go pick up my baby and bring him home. Meet the new love of my life, Stitch. He is a 6 week old teddy bear breed and I could just eat him up.

So, instead of being single, 30 and getting a cat lady starter kit, I figured it wouldn't be as bad to be a single, (almost--Nov.26th--buy me something pretty) 29 year old with a small breed dog. 

I've had a pretty good couple of days and instead of making today's blog post about confessions or whatnot, I just wanted to make you guys smile a bit and then have to read my sappy shit about my dog and my friends.