Spirituality 2.0

The other day I went on an adventure outside in my back yard. I sat down on the grass and smelled the ocean during meditation and it brought me back home. Back home when everyone was still Earthly present. Back home when I felt like a kid and had a supportive family and great friends. It brought me back to moments of my grandmother's knitting, my grandfather's piddling in the garage, my uncle's lessons on handwriting and my aunt's great cooking! It carried me through each memory and gently let me remember, but also showing me the harsh reality of forgetting what their voices sounded like. How I wish things were different, but absolutely being grateful they were mine.

The adventure left me sobbing for the grief that I've let myself feel again, this many years later. Baka (grandma) died in 2002, Eko (my nickname for my uncle) in 2008, Deda (grandpa) in 2010 and Strina (aunt) in 2020. It's been a painful road and each passing felt unreal because I have not been to any of the funerals. The interesting thing was that grief for each person felt new, as if I was feeling it for the first time. It's strange what kind of process grief has, because in my experience, you never truly get over anything. You just transmute it to mean something different, to hurt a little differently but not project onto others. 

Life is hard, y'all and whatever you have been through in life has brought you here. You haven't been through what you have been through to just get here though. There's more to see, more to travel, more joy to discover and more love to give. Because, isn't that the whole point? I know you must be thinking what woo woo shit is this now, since self-care is a commercialized retreat instead of a given right, but hear me out. Life is meant to be lived in community, with others who love and care for you as you do for them. For the path of communication, creativity and life force to flow both ways. And in community is when 

You are not supposed to have it all figure out- no one does. You are not supposed to do it alone- many of us have at least one. You are not supposed to know everything- which means you share knowledge and find people who are capable of the things you seek. Same as they do- which inherently means there is something in YOU that is needed by someone else. That's that magic woo woo shit some of us are talking about.  It's the medicine and wisdom that you have inside you if only you were quiet enough to listen, and still enough to hear. 

Toodles! I'm going to go thank a tree for letting me breathe another day.

Spirituality

Look, I am not even going to apologize for not writing, because I feel at this point in my life, I am intuitive enough to know when something saps my creativity. Depression, unprocessed feelings, shadows lurking around, are all catalysts to my creativity sap and I usually go dark. I don't write for months, I don't open up enough and my communication begins to lack. Then I get frustrated at people for not being able to read my mind and it just starts a downhill spiral. So, again, I will not apologize for not writing. I will, however, do better. It seems I am slowly tapping back into my creativity, play and just plain joy, so I will do the best I can. It would help if whoever is still reading these, to give me some topics as suggestions. 

Okay, so the topic in my life lately that's been coming up a lot is Spiritualism/Spirituality and what I mean when I say "I am not religious, I am spiritual."

Oxford Dictionary term of "Spiritualism" is:

1. Noun- a system of belief or a religious practice based on supposed communication with the spirit of the dead, especially through mediums.

2. Philosophy- the doctrine that the spirit exists as distinct from matter, or that spirit is the only reality.

Spirituality is a noun and described as "the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things" And then it goes into deeper, but loose definition according to the social norms that spirituality is a “personal search for the purpose or meaning of life.”

Wow! That was not what I expected at all to be the definitions but interesting! For my definition, it begins with religion/s- plural- and moves on to what I chose to believe in, and what rings true to my mind, body and soul. I was raised Catholic-ish. You know the kind; celebratory of either life or death- we go to funerals and weddings, but never go to church on Sundays, do not get funky with lent and just overall, not practicing. The traditions, though, in our Eastern European country run deep because we take only what fits us and run with it. And then at a young age, I fall in love and end up living in a house with a Jehovah's Witness for 3 years and take it upon myself to learn more about it. Go to the assemblies, catch a meeting or two, read and ask questions. 

Fast forward years later, and I have friends and ex-partners that are Muslim, or Orthodox, whose religions I intended to find out a little about, especially if it was important to them or they were actively practicing. However, when you find out from other people, it tends to be watered down with their favorite traditions, their families upbringing and a little sprinkle of their own characteristics. It's fascinating to see how different people interpret the same religion and lead their lives accordingly. 

Anywho, today, I am reading the Bible. Painfully slowly, but nevertheless. I want to find out word for word, as much as my brain can understand before I move on to the next Holy Book. I am attending once a month Satsang and learning more about how to truly embody my Divine highest self. As unsteady as everything in my life is, I feel more sensuous, more connected to Mother Earth, more grounded this year than I have last and it feels like sort of a rebirth. So to me, spirituality is being connected to Spirit and leading our own lives with connection to nature, love, plant medicine, nourishment, movement, etc. 

Toodles! Love y'all!