Second chances

Well hello there! I have been in a more creative mood lately and wish my ADHD would allow me to sit down and write them out. I have been journaling a lot more than usual and it feels good to let things out, however it’s also very lonely to be the only human in the house. Lots of changes- miss Gypsy came into my life and birthed Loki, Storm, Gypsy Jr, and Rain. And then everyone went to their forever home but Gypsy mama and Rain stayed. And then we added Lola!

First, mama’s gone back home this year!! This was a soul healing trip full of adventures, celebrations, happiness, family, friends and ALLLLLLL the Adriatic. 🖤 Therapy has me in a new awakening- it always takes a heart break to kick you in the ass! 🫡 LOL!

I have been ready to date again since last year and well, it didn’t happen last year. But this time around, I think it will. And I am happy with what the Universe has given me lately. She is definitely showering me with a lot more happiness, community, trust and random laughter. I am totally here for it! 

Secondly, I was in Hot Yoga Nash studio all weekend for a Buti cert audit and as much as I enjoyed 30 hours of yoga, I am absolutely, utterly exhausted, broken and sore but so damn happy! I mean, seriously?! Life changing! Nashville, I may be coming for you!!

Shrimp Bowl

What a game! What a game! I mean, I watched all of it and was rooting them on! I was also drinking heavily, eating SO much food and having a great time with my girls and boys at the Shrimp Bowl! I was dragging this morning, but it was worth it! The queen had DONE THE DAMN thing! And I ate my weight in shrimp, crab legs, potatoes, sausage and corn in some magic!

Work has been great. I am proud to say all three of my stores are staffed so I could focus on training!! That in itself is a blessing because then I can do a lot more to implement change. And have more time to take time off so I can travel, work on myself and do some more training as well!

You know how we do, my dear fans. The 5 of you that read this blog know l like to update life, work and love but my love life is on half pause, cause I have been super focused on healing from someone who wasn’t ready for me. But, I am keeping an open mind and open heart. I know it’s coming and I am excited!

Anyway, toodles! I’m killing this Mario game on the Nintendo switch!

Anonymous

You know, there was a time when we didn’t hide behind little screens and anonymous comments. There was a time when we had courage to talk our differences out instead of running. There was even a time when people actually had conversations face to face. We don’t seem to live in that time anymore. We are keyboard warriors, micro aggression having humans and we haven’t leaned into vulnerability in decades! Now, I understand the world changes and some of the technology that we have come up with to make our lives easier is doing exactly that, but weren’t we taught that everything that comes easy isn’t worth having? That’s because we weren’t supposed to be using technology so much that we forget our humanity. We forgot what it was like waiting for something to happen and having the patience to watch it unfold. We forgot what it felt like to have to apologize to someone and having the guts to look them in the face to admit you're wrong, not sending some text saying "Sorry" it took you one second to even think about. 

Instead, we comment anonymously on someone's blog without having the guts to face them, or we accumulate the dislikes, disappointments and then lash them out online. Maybe we collect them inwardly and turn on ourselves. Either way, we have been avoiding the real problems and staying silent. We forgot humanity, above all else and we turned on each other with such a hatred rather than doing what every single religion preaches which is LOVE. Have love for yourself, for your fellow humans- not just the ones you kind of like. Have enough courage to bring up the hard subjects and stay objective discussing them. Have enough vulnerability to recognize your first world fucking problems, entitlement and the privilege that you have. 

I chose to lean into curiosity instead and find out the why. I chose to find people interesting and step out of my comfort zone each day in some way to get to know other humans as they are, not as I want them to be. I chose to be among people and all of their dirty laundry, not shy away from society because there's movements we are uncomfortable with. And now, I chose to get offline and go tend to my own needs as COVID is slowly easing the hatred it has for my body.

“Nothing happens until something moves.”- Albert Einstein

Toodles!

Covid Chronicles

Hello, my dear readers! 

This girl has COVID and has it kind of rough. Go figure I get it when I planned a road trip weekend! These past couple of months have not been kind to my physical or my mental health. It seems I take a step forward and 5 back; I know that life is trying to teach me lessons but can I have a small break? I’ve learned them- over and over. Don’t play with boys that don’t plan a future and don’t lick people’s faces? Were those it?! Cause lessons learned! 

On a brighter note, I get to be home with my boys and since my depression has been rearing its ugly head lately, I can try and use this home time to center myself again. One problem I can see is the isolation, but with all the stimuli I’ve gotten lately it would be relaxing to just be home alone. Stitch also makes it super easy to be alone. He cuddles, he lays against me when I have fevers and he watches over me while I’m sick. Most people aren’t that comforting.

Mushu, on the other hand is currently wrapped around my feet, clawing and biting me...with love. Every time I don’t feel good he tries to entertain me with his antics and I love that. I could use the good mood. Today has been rough- fevers on and off. With those comes the high blood pressure and the ringing in the ears, as well as body aches, sniffles and a sore throat. I feel horrible! Thank God for great friends- Aaron brought me drinks and snacks and Iva is making sarma which are stuffed cabbage rolls! I usually get some at Christmas, but since I had a horrendous Christmas, I didn’t get to eat any. Also, my mother never brought me a plate like she said she would. Anyways, that’s my reality for right now people! Struggle is real!

Until next time, toodles!

So, therapy

 So, therapy taught me that more people need to go. I think the next time I am ready to put myself out there, that’s what’s going to say on my Hinge app. Being a responsible human being who wants to be around other people? We need a little a TLC. I mean, your brain deserves it and those who love you- or are trying to- deserve it as well! 

Currently, I am healing. I miss him. Looking back opened my eyes to a few things we should have both paid attention to from the beginning. Man, we sped things up and it felt great doing it. Trauma did that. One beautiful thing he taught me- hope!! I can do this. I know what I need in love, in relationships and it all begins with hope!

I am also currently missing a yoga studio so badly. Luckily, we are still getting together sometimes for pop up Buti classes. It has made me realize how much I love having this community around me in my daily life and how much I miss having it around. Most of the things in my life that were keeping me together have started slipping in some way, shape or form lately and it is driving me up the wall. I keep getting caught up in my own shit, and stay in it long enough it starts not to smell. I am trying so hard to come out of it. 

Sometimes, I truly can’t wait for my person. That man who is going to hear everything that I have to say, but will take only the important things to heart. The one who will take this world on with me, not fight with me about it. It’s not easy living as a minority in 2023, and a woman at that, but that’s a story for another time. Or stories. #metoo

Toodles.

Oops, I did it again

I let someone in. Way in. A lot further than anyone has been in a while. When I showed him glimpses of the hard, he ran..both times. I never said I was an easy person to deal with nor have I ever said that I am neurotypical and everything in my head goes according to plan. It doesn't. Let me break it down for you all. 

PTSD- post traumatic stress disorder x a few time

MDD- major depression disorder

ADD- attention deficit disorder

Anxiety disorder

Now, let's delve into PTSD just a touch. It means if you date me, when we fight I act like a racoon in a trash bag BUT I will not cuss you, disrespect you or do anything physical. I definitely won't do anything that deserves me being called a bitch. Right after he told me I was "safe" with him. I believed him. I really wish more boys would ask the men what that truly means. To be safe with someone. To be vulnerable. To be courageous and honest. That takes guts- sticking around takes guts! Running away would be a "bitch" move. I digress. 

If you know or love anyone who is suffering from a mental illness, DO SOME FUCKING RESEARCH! Ask them, be curious! Why are people so fucking selfish nowadays? Someone tells me they are neurodivergent in some way, I'm like "I want to learn everything about you and then some". I can sometimes act like a know it all, but that's because I'm reading up on whatever you are telling me you have.  Anyway...I fell in love, got my heart broken, and am still wondering what the fuck happened? 

Where is my happy ending? I guess I will have to create one by my damn self!

Toodles!