Thoughts of Stitch- Day one

4/28/17- 6:30 am   Today, mom woke up just like a cat. In a panic attack. But, she's so happy towards me. She lets Oreo in for a few minutes. He sleeps with us, then wakes up, and slaps me to wake up. In which he wakes Mom up and ruins her moment. Sometimes, he isn't in the room that early, and she's calm but listening through mom ears for him and his moment to be hers. When he isn't let in, sometimes I'm glad. #sorrynotsorry.
Mom got up to let me go do my business and she left the door open. I climbed down the steps and stepped to visit our next door neighboor; but before I walk over there, I'll pee on Mom's tires because she's mine. It's mine. This house is mine. I walked down the street and stopped at the home two houses down. I peed on their lawn and decided to go on. Their little dog pisses me off. He always gets me in trouble with Mom and I am not about to ask the little ass his name. Next is the nice guy that keeps his lawn well taken care of. I usually like to walk around the little bushes on the walk way, but I'll try not to pee on them. Unless someone else has, then I have to; cause it's mine. This block is mine.
I finally get to the STOP sign and I know it's red, because I've heard Mom say it before and then make that "ha" face when she remembers that I can't see colors. Especially red. The only thing I can see is the gray image on a circle plate.   
So, I STOP. And won't go further because mom is now outside whistling for me. I start walking back and pee a little here and there on random pieces of grass, and get to the next door neighbor's yard and poop right in the middle of it. Mom gripes at me, so when I'm done, I traipse to the house like a guilty kid. It's Saturday today, which means I will be in the house today with my cat, while mom goes to visit her friend. All day I get to sleep and chase the cat around as well as chew on myself and lick on myself without anyone looking. Grandma came in for a little bit then left to visit Aunt Manuela and the family.
I was left a few hours until Grandma came back, and then Mom. It's so good when everyone is here. I'm always my happiest when family is here. I can only imagine if all family...could be together.. Anyway, it's like 1am, and I am sleeping so mom is finishing this for me. She knows what to say and she knows me so well. I ESP her while I sleep and she knows it subconsciously. She looks over at me and tells me I'm beautiful. My eyes are closed and I'm really still; she doesn't know I hear her.  Anyway, good night guys and gals, I am going to sleep. More on Stitch and fam later.

Oh hello, 1:30am. Mom needs a quiet vacuum. She spilled some goldfish crumbs and I'm all over it. Now I'm going to watch some Family Guy while mom medicates and goes to bed for some cuddles. Missed her all day.  zZzZ

Sisters

So, sisters? Annoying, pretentious, troublesome, fun, soulmates, embarrassing, considerate, rude, hurtful, joyous. Right? We all have different experiences. Mine are such different ones that I honestly don't know what I would do without any one. Manuela- wonderful mom, inspiration to other women, caring sister. I've known this woman my whole life, We had it rough.; we struggled and we overcame. We grew up, grew closer and realized that we can't do without each other. Our father, our mother decided to have both; they tied us and gave us characteristics of each. I thank them. I couldn't do it without you. You have been my strength when I thought I didn't have any. You're the reason I crossed the ocean blue. Because that's what I would literally do; cross oceans for you. Please, don't ever change. Don't ever give up on your kids. They are us all over again and there will be rough times. Tetka is always here. I love you dearest sister. You are the light of my life. Anna- Oh little one, how I love you let me count the ways. You have been the most joyous, the most annoying, the most challenging and wonderful present. You are getting older and I don't know what to do with myself of both sadness and such pride. You go to school, you work hard when asked to and you pay your own way. You're also kind, generous, sometimes naive and sweet. I don't know why more people cannot have a heart like you. You have a love that is so huge, please don't try to stifle it. Your personality is getting bigger and I cannot express how thankful I am that you are growing up to be such a strong woman. Volim te do zvijezda i nazad. Casey- I sat and never got up. There is nothing you could have said that would keep me away. It was stronger than anything. Some people are just meant to be together in this mess we call life. You're my soulmate, my motivation, often my big sister and my Dear Abby. I depend on you to keep me level headed, down to Earth and able to assess a situation from both sides. There is a lot we have learned together from our family lives and opinions in general. You are broken in the ways that I can help and vice versa. We blend together and ESP each other. I don't think that I could ever thank you because often you have been the reason I have stayed in this world. I don't know whether to hit you or thank you, but I'm here. For better or worse. Because you're my half. I love your little family and that means Jason too; and I miss Barb. I remember often thinking why I don't get that worry from my own mother. I love you to the moon and back again infinite times, Kimmy- I will forever and always call you that. I will be the only one now in the world that can call you that. I miss you but I know you're near. I know you know I'm here and I cannot wait for the day we both are not so busy in our tornados to be able to get together. I am so grateful you have Aaron; and Constance and Cameron are my favorite kiddos to follow on Facebook. You have grown up into such an amazing young woman, then woman. And now you should be an inspiration to others. You have been through so much and I am so thankful I was a part of your best and worst days. I miss mom too. LYLAS! I love you all. With every ounce, inch and heartbeat of my little black heart.

Saturday

Please someone explain to me why I am up at 6:34 am on a Saturday when I can sleep until noon regardless of what I have to do today. Lately, I've been blogging in my own head at my own risk and I am not sure if you've ever done that but it looks a little like ..

So ...

Help. Me.

I need to let it out. I painted a little the other day with a friend of mine and I forgot how good that felt. I am screaming inside my own head just like the girl in my cover photo. Which reminds me, I have to change the damn name of this blog and the cover as well. Any ideas? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Work is the usual hell. Nothing new there. New things are happening though. Changes are coming and we shall see if that's great or defeating.

And I am always like....--------------->>>>>>>>

And I get a kick out of people asking me why I am still single. And then I think about every guy I talk to and I giggle. I tell them that I need someone who can handle my kind of crazy after they learn my kind of crazy and then make a grown up decision whether to handle it for a longer period of time, if not forever.

BEST RUN ON SENTENCE EVERRR! 

Just a thought. If I decided to be a boy, would you still love me? What if I lost everything and had to pull a Drake and start from the bottom. What if I had anxiety and depression but I high maintain and need you sometimes to unpack with me? What if I was okay and you were not; would I do the same for you? With my whole being.

Toodles.