Life, love and everything in between

Hello my dear readers, it's been ages and I apologize deeply. Since I wrote last, I visited the mother countries and looked for international job opportunities, as well as educated myself on the economic situations in those countries for my own personal growth. My current job could be a career path if my boss decides to join the 21st century technology driven world. That would make my life so much easier; I wouldn't have to look for another job. But as you all know, this is me and why would I have anything easy in life when it's always been ass backwards and hectic? Murphy's Law, damn you. But enough about the boring stuff. 

While I was in Europe, I found out a lot about myself through conversations with my family and my experiences there. To be honest, I didn't change much from the way I was when I was little. I am still the mouthy girl with the attitude and a smile on her face...just more mature. I love listening to stories about me as a child; it fills me with such joy to know that once upon a time, I was a happy child. Not to say I'm not a happy adult, but adulthood hasn't always been bright and shiny. I've gone through a lot in my life which has made me stronger, but left me broken. 

Also, while I was in Europe, I met someone!!! I shall brag about him in a separate post; FH (Future Husband) likes his privacy and I don't blame him. He even met my dad and is still alive and in one piece, so I am assuming that dad is okay with my choice. Watching the two most important men in my life chit chat, laugh and tell jokes has mended my heart on so many levels. I could have watched them interact all day. At times, I did. Oh, and I turned 30 while I was there so I guess I cannot call my blog "rants of a single twenty-something.." No longer single and no longer twenty. I guess now it's time for a blog make-over! And possibly a new name. I need ideas..Anyone?


"I stop to smell the roses and take pictures of sunrises and sunsets.
I listen more and talk less.
I take more breaths and think before I speak.
I aim to learn something new at least once a day.
I have more patience.
I am not selfless by any means, but do practice holding back a lot of my selfish tendencies.
I've realized it's not just about me anymore. It's about an us.
True love really works miracles on a person."


-Me

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Answers

1. Do you find you attract a man's attention or curiosity with or without your glasses?
I get more compliments on the glasses but that's because of the whole "hot for teacher" thing. I was an elementary education major, future teacher. Once they find that out and add the glasses, I'm totally doable.
2. Preference: Heels/Flats, Sneakers/Running shoes, Flip flops/boots/sandals or barefoot?
I prefer flats, sneakers and flip flops but when I am trying to look pretty I like sandals and heels. For winter, I always prefer boots over any other type of shoe. In all honestly, shoes are my thing. While I love being barefoot around the house and would prefer going everywhere barefoot, I have a shoe addiction.
3. What's your biggest pet peeve in life?
Liars and ignorance.
4. What do you fear most? Besides heights
I fear losing my family the most. I fear being alone and not ever finding my purpose in life, and always walking around with this wanderlust but never doing anything about it.
5. What's the most emotionally deep experience you've ever been through?
Anytime I have lost a loved one, I've lost a part of me. I've lost 3 family members in death so far and it was the hardest thing I had to go through. I've also lost friends, but at this point I'm just numb to that anyway. I wish I could tell you that the war changed me, made me into the woman I am today but honestly I was young and most of those memories are blocked off in some compartment of my brain. 

6. Have you ever been in love?
I do believe I was in love twice. The first time it was to my ex-fiance and everyone knows him just because he has recently come back to my life as a lifelong friend. The second time, I wish to not ever mention his name or see his face again. Not because I hate him, but because I can't.

7. How do you feel about being single?
I'm really okay with it. I get my freedom. I get to see my friends and I do what I want. The only thing I do miss is having that partner in life. Someone to talk to about problems, someone to cuddle and wake up to and someone to share the good in life with.

So far these are the questions that I've gotten from you guys. If you want to ask me more, just write me, text me, facebook me..etc.


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Why the best women are single

And before you get your panties in a bunch, I am not saying that I am one of the best..But I'm still single and if the shoe fits? Really bitch?..Of course I was including myself in this! I am not crazy or manic depressive or hard to please. I want nothing at some point and everything sometimes, and then I'm clingy but also want you to leave me the hell alone. I mean, not complicated at all right? Right..?

There are many reasons why you should get married. Either you've found the one, tax break, scared of being alone, visa?..just kidding Republicans, calm your tits. It's nice to share your life with someone and have someone to love and cuddle. But your relationship with yourself is exciting, fulfilling and it may help you be a better significant other. I read an article on why the best women stay single the longest and I agree with lot of the bullet points they had. I am doing my own version of this so bear with me as I collect my thoughts throughout this blog. 

Okay for one, you deserve the best guy out there for you. You are unique in your own way and you have lots of quirks that they would have to learn to deal with. I mean, you drink milk past the expiration date? That's risky and you consider yourself quite a risk taker. You're not really the conventional type. You may have tattoos, piercings, are older with no kids, and you believe in testing the car out before you commit yourself to it for 25 to life. 

You don't believe in settling. Not for a job unless it pays well, not in friendships and definitely not for a guy. You know what you want and you're not afraid to wait for that special one. You don't want to waste your time on someone who doesn't live up to your standards and you refuse to lower them. You like doing what you want and when you want it. You sleep in your own bed like a boss and love going to sleep at night knowing no one is cheating on you.

The firsts are amazing. The first date, the butterflies when you carry a conversation, the end date kiss. If you are in a relationship, you will never have a first anything anymore. You are going to be fucking the same person until you're dead and you're not sure if that freaks you out or consoles you. You aren't looking to be in the shadows of any man. You're independent, smart, sexy and the whole world is under your heels. You want to define yourself by your own accomplishments, not piggy back on anyone else's.

You make your own paper and you spend it how you like. Your wallet isn't ready to start adulting just yet. You don't have to check in with anyone on what to buy, when to be home, or who you can or cannot spend time with. The best thing about a day is that you have the freedom of not having plans. You can drop everything and travel to Vegas if you want. Your married or taken friends don't have that freedom.

So with all these reasons why I am single, I started thinking about what I wanted and what every girl might want. We want someone to tell us good morning and wish us a good day. We want someone to tell us good night. I want to miss someone and for them to miss me. I want a gentleman who opens doors for me, even when I basically run to the door. I want someone I can confide in and that I know will always tell me the truth. That's just a short list. You get the gist..

How about you? What do you want?

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The dating game

All of us want someone. If you're married or taken in any way and reading this, you're probably shaking your head no because your life fucking sucks or you're shaking your head yes because your partner is actually fucking awesome.We all want a partner or a satisfying relationship. Some of us are lazy, some of us are awkward and some of us just don't like people but we want to find our weirdo so we want to speed past the horrible dating scene, or the awkward dates and go straight to the significant other status. You know the one; Netflix, takeout, sweatpants, vacations and great sex.


As Larry David said "A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone." Dating SUCKS! No one wants to take hours to get ready, shave their legs, worry about not eating Mexican. My idea of a romantic date involves Netflix sans pants. I also worry about sharing my bed with someone because my dog sleeps with me, and he is cuter..so..there's that. I also like my own freedom and most guys want to be up my ass. Now, don't get it fucked up. I still want you to be interested enough to keep in touch every day.


I mean, okay, let's say you do spend the couple of hours to try to loosen those tight pants you can't fit into but that make your ass look great, and curl your hair so he doesn't see your cowlick. Let's say you do that. You go on the awkward date and make small talk. You don't know who is going to pay, and you will judge him a little if he lets you pay. If he kisses you or doesn't kiss you at the door, you'll wonder what's wrong with you so this is lose/lose. You will wait for him to ask you on a second date, which is complete bull. Does he like you, does he not like you? Will he text, is he waiting for you to? Shit..


There is also the next day after the date and if you like him, your brain starts overthinking in 3..2..1... If he doesn't text you, is he still into you? Maybe he wants you to be assertive and text him? If you do, will you look desperate? Say he does text you. You're all friggin' stupid happy. You trip over the dog, walk into the walls and shit at work. You read his two letter text message (ok) and you smile. But let's face it. Texting back and forth becomes nerve wracking. You're worried about your response, you're worried about sending the wrong text. The worst thing about texting is that once you send it...well God help you.


Date number two and three or maybe more have passed. Now you're in this mess, so how do you decipher if the guy likes you or not? You start overthinking every action, lack of action or any kind of silence in between. If he sleeps with you on the first date, did he lose the respect for you? If he doesn't, is he maybe not interested and just wants to be friends? Most of the people now disappear from your life without even so much as a fuck you. They won't tell you "Hey, last night was great, but I'm not attracted to you. Want to be friends instead?" Some people just want to hook up and if you're looking for more, they won't be straightforward with you until after they collect the prize. Honesty is hard to find nowadays.


So many people are scared of commitments so they want to blur the line between friendship and relationship. While that line is blurred, there is no way to know what the rules are. I, for one, am not okay with that. Are you fucking only me or..? Ya know? Too much to worry about.
Some people are too much into the sexual aspect to be loyal and with the social media making temptations and opportunities to cheat so easy to find, they won't even have to leave the bed they share with you.


After you have dated this person for a while and they feel comfortable around you, their genuine self starts coming out. Everyone now is so scared to put themselves out there at the risk of sounding too nerdy, too available, too anxious, too boring, too (insert whatever adjective you want here). And if you have dated for a while, the realization that you will either get married or break up is horrible. Both are equally terrifying concepts.


So, to summarize.. dating is basically a game of "let's see who can try to act like they care less in order to get someone to care more and then take turns." It's full of games, cheaters, liars, crazies and just annoying mofos who can't take a hint. Set yourself some rules to your own dating game and take control over this shit. 
-if you like someone, don't pretend you don't
-don't play the "wait to text" game..no one likes to guess and assume
-don't alter what you want; have high standards and expectations
-tell the ugly truth. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, tell the truth!!!

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Inspiration

I am thinking it may be time for another 30 day blog challenge. I don't have the inspiration or the motivation lately to write. I am going through a lot here in the real world. I feel like I finally have my feelings on the right track with the right people. I'm more productive at work, so I am busier. I also am having health issues which I do not want to speak about just yet. No, I am not dying...not that I know of. My blog world used to be an escape but since I am kind of at a standstill, I have nothing to rant about.

I am waiting for something to inspire me in life, I guess. I feel like when women are in love, they blossom. The open up to new ideas, they become more caring and sensitive, but they also become more vulnerable. When they travel, they become more open-minded and worldly and that is a beautiful characteristic to have. I have not traveled lately and even though I am dating, I am currently not in love. So, I need to create my own inspiration. Not exactly sure where I should start. 

I will sit down and write a nice bucket list. Again. This time I am going to publish it here so you guys can keep me motivated. I would also like to ask you guys when you read this blog, to contact me. Message me, text me, email me, Facebook me, ...whatever..but I want you guys to tell me what I should add to my bucket list. Of course, I will look over every suggestion and take the ones that apply to me. For example, I have acrophobia (fear of heights) so if you tell me to get on a famous roller coaster somewhere, I probably will be unable to cross it off my list.
So beauties and beasts, get on it. 

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Monsters

I'm friends with the monsters that are under my bed and skeletons in my closet..
A lot of us trying to change who we really are because we don't fit society's perfect image? Who the fuck cares? Do they pay your bills? Do they feed you? Have they given birth to you or made you? Then they don't have a fucking say so in your life. The only people that should influence YOU, are the ones you LET influence you.
First, you go to school, you get a job and a family, a mortgage and die. The end. Life is what happens in between those major events. But everyone seems to think that those major events have an expiration date. They don't. I don't have to get married until I'm 40. It's my choice. Only thing that I would be working on a clock with would be having children and I have plenty of good years left for that. So what the hell are you all worried about? Drying up? Dying? Well, you're heading down that road because you don't enjoy what happens in the "life" portion of your existence.You don't stop to smell the roses. 
I mean we live in a world where you have to have a license to fish, but they let anyone have children. We turn on the news to watch what is happening to our country, but instead we hear about how Kim Kardashian's shoes didn't match with her purse. Oh em gee, Kim!!!Soooo, why the hell are you worried about society and their views on what we are supposed to do in our lives when these people are just about as ridiculous as we are?
Secondly, I don't let anyone tell me how to live my life, but often I wonder if I went wrong somewhere. Maybe I raised myself too quickly or not fast enough but I often feel like I'm not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or something is wrong with me. I think it's me..and then I look further. Looking at where I am supposed to be "according to society" makes me sick to my stomach. If I even looked at what size my pants have to be according to society, I would downright puke. Yes, by all means, you don't want to end op on "My 600lb life" (yes, that's real..'Murica), but keep active and don't let yourself go. We have girls that starve themselves to death because they want to be models. We have movies to tell you how to feel when you fall in love. 
So who the fuck cares what society tells you?
Eat what you want, be who you want to be, smoke what you want to smoke, fuck whoever you want.
Just one piece of advice. Don't be a total douchemonkey and don't lie to people. Don't cheat on them and don't lead them on. Everything else, carry on.
P.S. Now my biggest dating dilemma is how would I expect anyone to trust me when there are 10 billion single women just like me. dressed like me, make up and hair done like me. How do I find my one in a sea of people who would rather hook up for one night than love me for a lifetime? I guess I'm going to have to kiss a lot of frogs.


When in Rome..
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Back from the dead

I have taken the past month off from blogging because you, as my readers, deserve to be entertained and not depressed when you're reading my blog. I have been going through some things lately, a lot of which I wish not to talk about, but just know I am back and back for good. I am still working out the kinks in my life to truly be the woman that I wish to be. At this point in my life I am making myself my number one priority, because while I love my best friends and family, you guys can't help me with this. I have to do it all on my own. And so far, it's a damn good beginning. 
P.S. I love each and every one of you deeply. Stay true to yourself. Be yourself. Be beautiful. Be a good human being. Help people. Love more. Trust more. Experience more. Take the leap. Fall in love.
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Four five seconds from wildin'

Hello, my dear readers, stalkers, shit-talkers and my ride or die mamas. I go on rants almost every other day for some stupid crap us humans do, but this time I've hit my mothereffin' limit. This is mainly because most of the people cannot handle the truth and are pansies about everything. Guys and girls alike need to put on their big girl panties and deal with the cold, hard truth. I am a very blunt person. I cannot reiterate that enough to you people. You can either handle it, and get to know me or you can get to steppin'. I don't like having to constantly explain myself, the things I say or do, and the way I generally am. Recently, I've been called two-faced, untrustworthy, opportunist and manipulative even by a douchemonkey who let me believe he was different. Let me break those words down to you and see if I can get you on team Gabi. If by the end of this blog post, I cannot do that, then you are more than welcome never to speak to me again. In fact, I welcome on taking the trash out of my life.

Two-faced- deceitful or hypocritical.
I have never lied about anything. If at some point it seemed like I have, it's to protect the other person's feelings. If I think someone will break down or be hurt by what I have to say, I will sugar-coat it the best I can, but the truth will still be told. I don't like laying my head down at night knowing that I have consciously deceived someone.

Untrustworthy- not worthy of being trusted.
What goes on between me and you, stays between me and you. The good, the bad and the ugly is going with me to my grave. My best friends know everything, yes, but do you think I would pick them if I couldn't trust them myself? If I am angry with you, I will not spill your secrets. If you hurt me, disappoint me, lie to me, cheat on me..what have it..I will still keep your secrets, BUT let me remind you that I can break you. So don't, please don't turn me into the crazy bitch. I don't like her very much.

Opportunist- a person who adapts his actions, responses, etc. to take advantage of opportunities. circumstance or people.
I will NEVER do anything I don't want to do. If I was an opportunist, I would have married several times over just for the chance not to work, to shop and to have someone. I haven't. I don't hang out with people I don't like regardless whatever they can do for me. I don't take advantage of anyone regardless of how they have made me feel or what they may have done to me.

Manipulative- influencing or attempting to influence the behavior or emotions of other's for one's own purposes.
I mean let's be honest, if I could do this, I would make a lot more money, have a lot more friends, have nicer things. etc. I don't have enough energy to manipulate someone's feelings or life, because frankly I can't even make myself do shit I don't want to do. If I could, I would have a size 4 waist, because I'd make my ass go to the gym or stop eating shitty.

Regardless of what you think of me, be an adult about it. Tell me to my face...that's if you have balls to have your shit handed to you by a girl. Toodles!
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One Day

One day I am going to wake up and be okay..but today is not the day. One day I am going to wake up and feel happy..but today is not that day. One day I am going to wake up and feel loved, cherished and respected but again, today, is not that day. I have been on the beaten path before but now like today. Today, I feel worn down and exhausted. I feel unwanted and disrespected. I feel hurt and scared. I also feel angry.
I don't know how to be loved or accept compliments. I don't know how to act when someone considers me in everything he does. I don't know what it's like to feel taken care of. So most of the time, if someone offers these qualities to me, I feel like I need to put my running shoes on and bail. I don't. I only bail when there is something in the relationship I cannot deal with. Most do not understand this and think that I am just looking for an excuse.
Look, here is the road map to me. Basically, I am a girl. DUH. I have feelings. DUH. I may act tough or whatever, but I have a heart and I wear it on my sleeve. Every single one of my relationships I view as a lesson. If it worked out for a while, it made me aware of the things I'm looking for and if it didn't last long, it made me aware of things I cannot deal with.
The qualities I look for in a man aren't simple and that's because I am not simple. I am not going to be just happy with someone who is good with words but not with actions. Or vice versa. I am an old soul. I love to be appreciated, and cuddled and taken care of. I want to feel like I'm his world, and not just his favorite option. Chances are, I am obsessed with him and have made him the center of mine. I want a gentleman; someone who opens doors and makes me feel like a girly girl. That's usually when the girl in me comes out and wants to take care of you. I want someone who communicates the good, the bad and the ugly. Who isn't afraid to battle with me, and who isn't afraid to fight for us. I want a partner, someone I can depend on. Someone who can consider me in his decisions as well as talk to me about problems.
I can go on and on and make a list of my perfect man..but the closest thing I got to that someone, was someone who couldn't..or wouldn't change. 
P.S. I went on a Facebook deletion spree. I chose not to continue to get my feelings hurt. I got tired of being a girl when I felt no longer desired or respected by the former man in my life.

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If everyone can have it, I don't want it

My happily married friends and acquaintances tell me it's sad that I haven't settled down yet.
And I'm just like..

Then, when a problem arises in their marriage and they're not as happy, who do they talk to? Me! The single girl who tends to give the best advice for people other than herself. Frankly, I should start charging.

I remember how they "pity" me because I'm single, I don't have a support system, I don't have anyone to share finances with or my problems with or any of that crap..
 And then I'm like..


Quickly, I remember tho
- I get sleep when and where I want
- I go out and drink without worrying about a baby sitter
- I don't have to worry about cooking and cleaning for someone
- And my checking accounting dictates how wild I can live my life

So then I'm like..

But real talk guys. People don't realize how serious relationships are. We live in a world where people don't fix things anymore. They walk away and look for something new. They don't stick around and fight. And why should they when you're just an option to them and they can just turn on the trusty FB and move on to the next one? Why should anyone work for it when your relationship wasn't consisting of just you and him, but it was you, him, his ex, his single friends, that one girl he sleeps with when he's single, that one girl he would sleep with if he had a chance and not to mention little trashy FB girls who add anyone for attention. 

In today's society, we quickly have become dispensable. You argue with your boyfriend and he quickly turns to someone else for comfort. And that's the main reason I stick to "If everyone can have it, I don't want it," I don't want your "good morning beautiful" texts if you're texting it to 10 other girls. I don't want your attention if any girl with a tight skirt can get it. I don't want you to like me if you think all it takes is some alcohol and a few nice words. I don't want your apologies if you are going to make the same mistakes over and over again. The person you end up with, the one you fall truly in love with and want to marry; you need to feel that they are the best for you or it's never going to work. Yes, we all have flaws..but this includes flaws and all. If they aren't the best for you, then at some point you will start looking elsewhere. 

And if I am not your best, then simply don't waste my time.

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Humor for a rainy Tuesday

This is basically me talking shit, but I mean c'mon.. when do I not? And I'm pretty hilarious so it's allowed. This is pretty much going to be just a bullshit blog post because lately I haven't been into blogging. I was taking a break trying to reinvent my life and now that that is TOTALLY not working out, I am back. Somewhat.

Second chances

Well hello there! I have been in a more creative mood lately and wish my ADHD would allow me to sit down and write them out. I have been jou...