I'm a woman, hear me roar!

No, this isn't some feminist blog post where I growl at men-owned businesses, demand higher pay or stage a protest with a picket sign saying "Housewives are the new slaves"...Although.. never mind. :) That's a whole other post.

Anyways, as a woman I often feel as though I am hushed all the time. We aren't allowed to be sensitive, sincere, kind or gentle anymore. Most of the "womanly" characteristics, predominantly in 2013, have been viewed as weak. Yes, I do understand there are women who cry just as a form of control. No, I don't know what the difference between those horrid creatures and normal women are, so I cannot help you.

I've seen a lot of women hold back tears on several occasions. Some even hold back emotions. They like a guy a lot, but they don't want to seem too crazy, too pushy, too sensitive, too needy. As a side note: Guys, you don't fucking help us feel normal either. Most of you just play games to get what you want. But trust me, we're all big girls. We can all handle the truth. If you want a booty call, say it and then we have two options. Give it up or don't and wait for the next one who wants commitment. If you tell us, then the chance of us developing feelings and being hurt in the long run is slim.

I don't see a need for games. You know which ones I'm talking about.."should I text, or should I wait for him to? Will I seem too pushy if I say I want to see him again tomorrow? Does he want something serious or is this just a fling?" There is one solution for this: ASK. Speak. Open your mouth and let the words come out. You have nothing to lose, but you have your self-respect and esteem to gain. You will feel much better when you know where you stand with someone.

My point is, as women, we are affected by everything. We are emotional creatures, we are the gentler sex, we are the care-takers. Let it happen. Don't cover your tears. Don't bottle up your emotions. Don't hide that chip on your shoulder. Don't be quiet about how you feel in any given moment. Don't let someone take advantage of your tenderness. I mean, after all..what do you have to lose? Either way, they call us crazy. If we're too emotional, then we're crazy. If we're quiet, then we're not social. You can't please everyone but there is one person who depends on your happiness. YOU! Take care of you first.

I'm done

I'm done trusting you. I'm done trying with you. There is no more hope left. You have betrayed me in every aspect of my life and I don't want to build a life with someone who continuously stabs me in the back. I'd rather be alone. I kept coming back, kept attempting to love you like I did. I kept coming back thinking "This time will be different", but every time I came back, more secrets and lies poured out. And I just can't. This is the end of my line. I'm at the end of my rope. My heart has been broken by you so many times and I cannot give it to you anymore. You were supposed to keep it safe. You were supposed to mend the hurt and make sure that you put it back together. I would never do what you have done to me. I have made my mistakes and I have fixed them. You continue to make yours and think I'm going to be okay with it because I love you. It doesn't work that way. You have turned into the most vindictive and spiteful human being I have ever met and this isn't the person I want to be with. I don't need to watch my back around the ones I love the most.

I don't have to name all the fucked up shit you did. I'm hoping you know it. I'm hoping you are halfway a decent human being and you know every single lie you told, every single hurt you brought up on me purposely, every single betrayal, every single untold information. I hope it haunts you. I hope you can't sleep knowing you could have fixed all of it and chose not to. I never wanted my freedom until you became my prison. You became everything I hated about myself and I hope one day, someone "loves" you like you "loved" me.

I need someone who will respect me in EVERY way even when he is mad, hurt by me or upset with me not talk to other girls or lie to me to "pay me back" or hurt me. I need someone to cherish me, be honest with me, be proud of me, show me off, be lovey with me, take care of me, care about me, trust me, consider me in everything he does. I need to be the girl he can't get out of his head, he can't sleep or breathe without. I need to be the girl he would kill or die for. I need to be his one and ONLY.

Thank you for proving to me that I was an idiot for ever trusting a word that has come out of your mouth. You are incapable of love, you are incapable of being a decent human being, you think the world owes you something, you think you're God's gift to women, and you think you are always right. Well, let me teach you something. NO ONE IS RIGHT in love. If you truly love someone, being right will never be more important, lying will never even be an issue, and doing things on purpose to the one you "love" because the person has hurt you somehow would never occur.

I told you once, I want to keep your friendship. Maybe years later we can look back on this and laugh. Maybe I'll never be able to look at you again. Right now, I'm so indifferent. It's almost as if I don't care anymore. This cold has swept over my heart and the only thing I have left is my hatred towards you and your actions. When the one you love the most betrays you, your world falls apart. You should know. Your ex wife did it to you and you sent karma to the wrong girl. I was always the wrong girl.