The End

So the end of an era has come. I was in a 2.5 year relationship that was and has been ending badly for some time. The feelings are there but the effort, trust and communication haven't been lately, if ever. If the movies make you believe love is enough to conquer all, you're an idiot. In real life it takes much more than that to make it through any relationship, no matter how good it is. Having trust doesn't mean that the person will never hurt you. It means that you know the person well enough that you should know they won't hurt you on purpose. It also means that you know them enough to not listen to everything you hear, believe everything you see and take the time to listen to reason. If you love the person and know them, a chance to explain the utmost unreasonable should be given; chances are it was given to you. Most people don't. They assume, they generalize. When it comes to the flight or fight instinct, we have become a fleeing nation. Communication is really the key. Whatever you like or don't like will not always be cared about but if you never vocalize anything then you're partially to blame why the person keeps doing what they are doing. They will only do to you what you allow them to do. I know this is easier stated, than actually lived, but ultimately your heart is on the line and if you're planning to fight, you need to do so with full cards on the table. Anyway, since the relationship has ended, I have decided to do for me. Live for me, plan for me, cross things off my bucket list and have some fun along the way. Because let's be serious. Dating? Awkward. Uncomfortable. Unnerving. Disappointing. Not always, but most of the time.

I mean c'mon. STUFFED CRUST! WITH CHEESE!

And let's be honest. I am 29. I am not getting any younger or any more virile. I'm not 50 either, but the chances of me finding a guy compared to 18 year olds my ex is probably chasing with tits to their neck and an ass that could open beer bottles, are slim. 

We also cannot forget the many. many douchebags in this world. Because, I mean we're all adults. At some point I will probably try to fuck you. That's how I roll. Just don't pretend to be the nice guy if you aren't.

And last but not least, we cannot forget what I am like. HOT MESS EXPRESS!

I may be proven wrong..we shall see.

Last word

I grew up a kid of divorced parents and I was also a middle child, so I was fucked hardcore from beginning. I have many issues and none of them I fear. They're a part of me and every characteristic rolled up into this is me. I fear failure, I fear a lot of things in life, but I will never fear who I am. That's the only thing I have left in this world. My integrity. My self-righteousness and my word. I don't promise I'm an angel. I have fallen many times. I have clipped my wings once this little girl grew up and started living in our jacked up world. I don't promise to be a good sister, a good daughter or even a good friend. But one thing I do promise is that I will always tell it how it is. The truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth. I would rather hurt your feelings once with the truth, than hurt your feelings every time you remember the lie.
Few people know me as me and they take me as I am. I have mostly guy friends because frankly, girls talk shit. Girls remind me of my own weaknesses and guys are just easier with emotions than we are. I learn a lot from people I am around and I chose to surround myself with people who remind me how the world is and how the hell to deal with it all. I choose to surround myself with people who are honest; I sometimes fail. I fail to see the person for their true colors and I am often surprised when I feel the cold steel in my back. 
Many people don't know me at all. Usually, I try. I try to make you see me. I try to bring you into the world of Gabi, but often I make mistakes because I am human and sometimes, people judge me for the little stupid shit that happens. Chances are, my mistakes are twisted and turned into something ugly for the world to talk about it. If you never let me fix it, you never gave me a chance.
Here is a little, small, minute insight on me. I will never lie to you. If I fuck up, I will royally fuck up and stand by my mistakes. If I tell you you look fat in those jeans, you really do. If I tell you you're beautiful, I mean it with my whole heart. If I give you advice, it means I care enough about you to want you to do better. If I trust you, it means you've worked hard enough to jump over my walls and get in. I will never lie to protect your feelings because that lie will turn into many more I have to tell you to make sure you're okay and frankly, I am way too lazy to try to remember what I said to you yesterday to make sure it matches what I tell you today. My short term memory sucks anyway and I don't care to think too much. If I tell you I'm your friend, it means I will stand by you no matter what. If I tell you I love you, it means you're carrying my heart. Don't break it.