Still swinging

Do you ever feel like no matter how many times you swing, you will always come up short? Sometimes the feeling is debilitating because it feels like no matter how hard you try, that you will always almost get it. And we all know- almost doesn't count. In every aspect, I still keep swinging. At some point, life came to a screeching halt. It was like a car going 100 mph hitting a wall. The car is in currently in the shop. I have to still keep swinging.

Just saying.
Speaking of mental health, if you see anyone struggling with life and I understand we all are, just be kind. You don't have to pull out dollar bills or immediately judge the situation. Just be kind. Ask them how they are. Even if you don't believe a word out of their mouth. Even if you're struggling yourself. Connect with a soul out there, because as you can all see, our World is slowly dying. And we are killing it. With every bad decision we all make collectively together, which is why we should all encourage each other to do better and be best, instead of knocking each other down. I stay away from social media just because of that; I do not want to see the arguing unless it's constructive or productive.

I say this, but I am a hypocrite. I still make bad decisions, and I make mistakes. I work hard and I dream and sometimes play harder. I love animals. I pay my taxes. I don't wish anything bad on anyone. I try to do right by everyone. Treat everyone like you want to be treated, right? I personally think that is not technically correct, but that's just me. I can debate why, but I'll save it for the few of you who may be interested enough to ask. So, anyway, I try. That's the point. Isn't it?

Bittersweet existence

Life has a way of knocking you on your ass and then picking you up to dust you off. This year so far has been purely that; short bursts of being flattened against the pavement, followed by a pick me up. I sometimes stop to ask God "Why?", but then I re-evaluate and realize that sometimes I just need to let it be and trust that I will figure it out. Life, is that all you got, because I've had worse. I've been on rock bottom before and this time, it will take a lot more to knock me down. It's a bittersweet existence in this world and life treats us like a Sour Patch Kid- first it's sour, then it's sweet. I'll let you know when it gets sweet.

I would like to announce that Bowling Green has me for another year. I accepted a position in another state but that will have to wait cause life. Now that I know what I am doing for sure, I feel like I can openly talk about it. It seems like when there are too many things up in the air, one has extreme anxiety that stops one from being able to function and only live in moments. Not like I would know or anything. *eye roll*. I've invested recently into trying to develop interests and skills that I can use for many years to come, so if you're into adventures, raise your hand or hit your girl up with some ideas. I figure with the way things are going in this country, I may need to be skilled to do 52 jobs to survive, just in case.

Eeek! Tomorrow is Monday! This week is going to be a short week, thankfully. I need a little rest this weekend, as well as some relaxation. I like my job, but after working my ass off this past week, I deserve a little break. It's all about self-care, right?! If this week had gone the way it was supposed to, I would be packing right now. Instead, I have spent my Sunday cleaning, spending time with my friends, and getting things done. All in all, it's been a productive one. I hope Sunday has treated you all right. 

Against the wall

Hello. It's me. Dear Jesus, thank you. God, if you're listening, I'm grateful. I'm struggling, but I cannot believe how you answer my prayers. If you do not directly influence me, then thank you for sending people my way. I'm especially thankful for a few just today. It means a lot to me that you believe in me, that you think of me and that you help me in any way I need it. Guys, tho..seriously. Thanks for asking, texting, wishing, praying, paying and everything else in between. You have made me cry in joy, and God only knows I can never repay you. Thank you to theether, Anna, for your smiling face that I saw at lunch even if it was for a few minutes. Thank you to my theether from another mister, Hana, you're the real MVP. You've been my GPS, my photographer and my delivery woman all week. Thank you big sister, Manuela, for my 2nd tests and your words of encouragement throughout this week. I love you. 

That brings me to my second point. I cannot schedule these tests until way later in June it seems like which switches my plans a little LOT. It just seems like every time I try to do something in this field or with this, it's cursed to fail before it begins. It's frustrating. Life is frustrating. I am frustrated. I could scream. Or go for ice cream. I think I'll take a yogurt instead and plan a vacation if my dream doesn't work out this year. C'est la vie!! So hello guys, how's your Thirsty Thursday going? Is everyone still alive- y'all make it out okay?

Just wanted to make sure that this Thursday didn't end up with some victims. Much love. 

Different America experience

I woke up today, watched the news and cried. I wish the mother-ship would come and take me home  where the world is peaceful and we aren't killing each other because we have different skin colors, or religions, or interests, etc. I don't understand why it's always "us against them". I don't understand why we can't just look at each other like two human beings in this sad world of ours full of injustice anyway. We all have our own America story. We all have our own experience. None of us live in a perfect world and we all have our trials and tribulations.

I wonder why we can't just get along or move along if we don't. I don't understand... It makes me sad. It upsets my soul. I hope it bothers you. I hope you know that if you feel a little danger, a gun is not the first thing you need to pull to disable the danger. A danger that may not end up being a danger at all but because you've been conditioned to believe that someone a little darker than you is an immediate threat. A danger that may have children at home, waiting for him to get home from the grocery store. A danger that is a man in this shitty world just like you are.

So that's how my Sunday began. I wonder what your America experience is. I always call on my readers to write me, and none of you do. But as much as some of you troll on FB and type your opinion where it doesn't matter, why don't you type it somewhere where it may? Like starting difficult conversations about your version of America and sharing it with someone who isn't like you? This world isn't puppies and sunshine. We aren't alone, but everyone is scared to care. And hey..I get it. If your world and your American dream isn't working out and you're bitter..I get it. I've been there and am there on some days. We can still chat about it.

Life is one. My enjoyment and disdain at the same time is sorting through myself, and no one wants to look in the mirror and analyze. Self-analyze. That's scary. We all want to believe we're good, kind, happy and that we try. So do it today. Go to that place of hurt. Understand it. Cry about it. Drink or smoke through it. But understand it. Be honest with yourself to admit when you are wrong, when you've said something racist, sexist or any kind of ism that represents your differences from someone else - but admit it. Admit it to yourself. Have that hard conversation with yourself and then find someone else and start it again. Keep working through it, because hate and fear were taught. Our way of "seeing differences" first was instilled by someone, somewhere in our lives. Don't be afraid to admit they were wrong!




P.S. This was a backdated post from about two weeks ago and finished today. Thankfully it's not Sunday yet.

Okay-ish

So, hello 2018. It's nice to have you. You've been with us for about 3 months now, and as far as I'm concerned, you can slow down a little. Kick your feet up, stay a while. You're passing me up quickly and I have so many life decisions to make keep refusing to make. It's not fair how some years are begged to go on forever while some you pray would go at lightning speed. I'm not sure how to feel about you yet, so stick around.

Well guys, I used to update you all about my life constantly, but I am not really sure anyone reads this blog anymore. I've kept you entertained with my antics and my dark humor. I've shared my student teaching festivities as well as many posts griping about random topics that interest a handful of people. I've tried to make you laugh, make you think, make you even shed a few tears and now I'm not sure where to go with this blog from here. I'm not even sure whether to keep it. I guess this post is a cry of help from a writer who has developed a block, and not just in the writing department.


To update a little bit for the few of you who may care and don't know. I used to do the job, friends, love, family update so I might as well keep up with the blog traditions and continue. I've changed jobs. I no longer work in the trucking industry and in some ways, it's a blessing. No more unset or vague rules, no more bosses instead of leaders, no more policies that just don't benefit anyone but the ones making money. I have not always had such aversion for the transportation industry; it's more developed in this last year when the flood came. I now work in the HR Department at Lowe's. I'm still new and learning, but it's a new adventure.


I've made some new friends, as well as kept more in touch with my old ones. Since the end of 2017 and beginning of 2018, it seems like the floods came for a few of us. Keeping in touch for us doesn't just mean over social media with a few likes and heart eyes emojis on some pictures. I mean, kept in real touch..real world communication such as text messages, phone calls, video chats, visits, etc. I appreciate it all, but I definitely appreciate any of the above more when it was unexpected.


Oh love, where art thou? Bueller? Bueller?...Anyone? Oh wait. No. See, I have a theory about this. Every time I have an interest, it's with someone who is just unattainable. Whether he is physically, emotionally or mentally unattainable, it makes him not able to continue in the proceedings of being hired on as my future anything. And for some reason, God likes to play jokes on me so he magnetizes these men and make me be a part of this magnetism, so that a particular man finds me and then proceeds to waste my time. Yes, I voluntarily do this and blame no one, but I've wisened up.  I've had some laughs. Now it's time to get serious. So, love department, you ask? Closed until further notice. I had a few glimmers of hope, but then I realized...


Family. 2018 has been fun so far and is about to be even more fun. Anna is having surgery in June on her back and mom spent a week in the hospital with staph and pneumonia. Big sis is building a house; I am beyond excited for her and her family. Brother is always brother. We're all making it in some way.


Short and sweet, I used to have a lot to say; I was an open book. Lately, I prefer to be a diary. Only a few get to read and only the ones willing to pick it up for the long term read. Toodles!