Green with..jealousy?

Hello! Toodles! Hola! Cao! Zdravo!

Sorry, two hours of sleep and this is what happens. I get very hyper and very bouncy, and then I predict a long nap when I get off work. Probably won't happen, but a girl can hope!

Ok, interesting conversation me and the boyfriend had yesterday. I swore to myself that I would not mention boyfriends in my blog because I don't know how long the relationship will last, but 6 months and this one hasn't ran yet, I take as a good sign.

Anyway, Gabi, get on with it. Well, jealousy. We all have it. Some of us have it less than others, some take it to psychotic levels, some let it take over their relationships and some don't even let it bother them. Now, the question is where does the jealousy come from? Are you jealous of the person's time with your significant other? Are you jealous because you're cheating or doing something you're not supposed to be doing yourself? Are you jealous because you're afraid your significant other will find more in the other person than you?
And then ask yourself who this person is in your lover's life and what do they mean to them. Are they friends? Have they dated? Has anything between them ever happened? Or even almost ever happened?

For me, I was only jealous a few times in my life. Once, my fiance at the time went to work (he was working in a factory) in his nice clothes. He was line leader but I knew that the job was dirty. As always, we would get up in the morning. Every time he would leave the house, he would kiss me and tell me he loves me. This morning, he woke up, got ready and left. No kiss, no "I love you".. Just left. When he came home from work, he was wearing his nice clothes. 3 years with this man and he NEVER did this. All of a sudden, jealousy struck and millions of questions were asked.

The second time was when a boyfriend decided to keep his ex girlfriend in his life because of a dedication to her father and some money owed. We won't talk about this. This man is an idiot, but all I can say is this is where my self-esteem issues started.

Last time is now. This time, I just love him. I'm jealous because I don't want to lose him. I don't want to share him. I don't believe an attractive man and woman (who find each other attractive too) can be friends without one person having feelings of some sort for the other.
 I don't want him to wake up one day and say "this is not where I want to be and you're not who I want to be with." The girl that I am jealous of is someone who would be perfect for him. She's smart, she's funny, she's pretty, she's got the same culture (I do as well, but I'm more Americanized), same way of thinking, they share so many interests, they have a history. She's a better pick. Comparing myself and her, I don't see the benefits of him dating me. And I know this, because I am blunt honest with myself and those around me. I don't put myself down. I see the reality of things. Although we are our own worst critics, much of what we criticize is true.

So anyway..jealousy? The question is not how to understand it. The question is how to get rid of it!?

What they don't know, won't hurt you??


Hello my dear readers!

Recently, I learned that people actually read my blog and I was very excited about it. I figured some of my close friends did, but I didn't know my FB friends were enjoying my semantics being written down as well. :) I really appreciate it guys.

So, my blog inspired a talk with a friend the other day. We were talking about life, drama and what we're willing to deal with in life, in relationships, friendships and also in this God forsaken town.
Let me back up a little bit and tell you about the town I live in. It's a small town (about 60,000) so you see the same people downtown, in Wal-Mart, at coffee shops, etc.
Let me back up a bit further. I am also Bosnian, so I run in the Bosnian community as well. We are a very nosy people and I say this with very little humor. I mean, I can guarantee you every Bosnian mother looks out the window when a car parks in the neighbor's driveway, or when she hears someone walking or talking outside. And this is just the cute stuff they do. This is not mentioning the horror of all the gossip we exhume out of our mouths.So moving forward now; small town, nosy people, gossip. Put those things together and you know the reason why I have nightmares at night.

Ok, so I have a lot of daily occurrences where people are in my business. Here are some of those lovely questions and/or statements:
-Do you have a boyfriend?
-When are you getting married?
-You would look so adorable with a baby. How come you don't have one? Do you hate kids?
-He has how many kids?? With how many women??
-How serious are you? I mean you're not even serious enough to post it on Facebook? People will hit on you both and "friend you" both because you're single.
-You still go out?? And drink? Don't you have a boyfriend?

Here are my answers:
-Yes
-Never. Maybe not even then. Regardless how I feel about marriage, I'm so tired of this question.
-Adorable is exactly what I want to look like with a baby. I'm thinking broke, needy, dramatic, insomniac, would be some good adjectives too that would go with it. No, I don't hate kids.
-Two and two. My business whether I deal with it or not.
-Hmm, tough question. Serious enough to love each other. Not serious enough for anything else and not stupid enough to rush into things. And Facebook is NOT REAL LIFE. But yeah this does happen.
-Yes. I'm not old, married OR dead. Yes, if I didn't drink, you'd be dead. Yes, anyone who is with me who cannot understand I like to go out sometimes with my friends does not need to be with me.

Now, you gotta understand that these people are not just in your business trying to find out things going on in your life. They are also creating your business for you. When you don't have enough juicy details in your life because you aren't a whore, you lead a normal life, and you haven't been to jail- they create those details for you. For example, I myself have never been a really loose girl. Yes, I have had sex (insert gasp here). Many times. Am I honest about my number? Sure as hell am. Do I have anything to hide? Nope. The worst thing you can possibly find out about me and my life is that I dated an older guy. Way older. Ancient and a ginger. Long story, big mistake. I have no skeletons in my closet. Mine are on the tree outside, hanging.

Look, I love my people. I'm proud to be Bosnian, but these gossips have to stop. I'm tough, I'm independent, I don't need anyone but damn it's nice to have a relationship and I do have feelings which can be hurt. We, as a couple, have enough drama in our lives to deal with. We don't need the rumors or constant probing questions making our relationship harder. It's hard enough. Things are supposed to be easy, damn it.
Things like these are what makes me want to run away from here and never look back. One day, I might.

So now my question of the day: Is it easier being out in the open about everything like I always have been, or should I just hide that part of my life? I've got my own thoughts about it for now. I would like other opinions.


Toodles!

Life happens

Hiya!

I started this blog as a Block II student (if you don't remember what that is, it's ok. It's a set of three classes that we [elementary education majors] had to take. They lasted from 8am-3pm and you spent 10 days in the classroom observing as well as teaching 2 lessons during the semester). When I started this blog, I knew I was going to Spain during student teaching and I needed a way to remember my memories and things I did there. I continued the blog through student teaching, through Spain as well as after I graduated (May, 2012). Here we are 7 months later and almost into the New 2013 Year and I am updating you guys on my life, my job, my love scene, my weight loss among other things.

And while I am talking about updating, I know I did it yesterday but I'm doing it again today.
Life- so far so good. It certainly has its ups and downs, but I am managing better than I ever have done before.
Job- job is still paying the bills, but I really miss being in the classroom so today I am creating my resume and taking control.
Love- dating someone, who knows where it will go. Time will tell.
Health- (this is a new update) I have started my ACE (Appetite Control Energy) pills today. My friend was taking them for 3 months, not working out and has lost 17 lbs. I've lost 10 lbs since August, but I have hit a plateau. I would like to lower my calorie intake but even with the 1600 cals I'm eating now, I'm sometimes hungry, so I need something to suppress that hunger and not affect my carb intake since I'm lower carbing it. For the ones who are health nuts, you will understand this. For the ones who aren't, here is short version. "I want to eat less than I have been, without eating bread to fill me up."
I told my coworkers about these pills and I got a compliment. Lejla said "Where in the heck are you still trying to lose weight?" Then she looked at me like I needed to eat a good steak. LOL!

I usually have lots of life things on my mind so I will not bore you with my weight loss with this blog.
Here is a question of the day: When do you know a relationship is serious? Everyone says things start getting serious when he leaves stuff at your place, or vice versa. Some say it's not technically serious until you move in with each other and that step makes it officially serious. How much time needs to pass before you think "Does this have a future?" Is there a time limit? For example, 6 months and you're serious automatically? This has been an age old question in every woman's mind and it's not like the men are going to announce it one day "Honey, from now on, we are a serious thing." Wishful thinking!

Watching "How I met your mother", I get a lot of my ideas for questions because it sparks up questions in my life. The show is really cute, and most of the things in it are very realistic and true. So, to the ones who are reading this, you can always comment me and help me answer my questions. :)

Til next time, toodles.


Another day, another feeling

Oh my. I feel like I haven't blogged in forever, then I got on here to check and what do you know? A month and a half gone and I haven't written anything. You know, I have 10 followers, many people probably do not even read it but I do it because it makes me feel better. I get it off my chest and move on with my day.

A quick update before I go off on my thinking.
Life- About the same
Work- Still working for the same company
Love- Dating someone

I wrote a status yesterday because I was overwhelmed with feelings and stuff. "When you love someone, you accept that person for who they are and not what you want them to be. If they have a lot of baggage, you stand by their side and help them unpack it, rather than add to it."

So, now that I have sat down and re-read my status, I have thoughts about it, as well as questions. How much are we willing to unpack of other's baggage without expecting something to give? Do we stay if the person has more baggage than us and you have to deal with more things in their past than they do? I joke around with my friends and often tell them "it's easier for me to date a virgin". This is obviously a joke, but sometimes I wonder. Are even the virgin nowadays full of their own crap from the past? The only time someone significant in my life has had to deal with my exes or anything from them, was if the ex was brought into my life by me. I have done this before and I am not ashamed to admit my wrongs.
Is it possible to date someone who is divorced, has kids and/or has psycho exes that are ruling in his daily life? Can things be overlooked just because you love this person and want a life with them? If these things directly affect you through him, does that make this your problem as well?

There are so many questions in the world and not enough answers for me. Many of the reasons I ask these questions is because I am unsure of how to deal with my own emotions and reactions to someone else's past. My mother and my father are divorced. My mother remarried, my father did not. My mother had another child with the man she married. My father had no kids other than the ones with my mother. Once they were divorced, they barely spoke other than "It's your weekend with the kids" and "When are you picking them up". My mother never meddled into my father's relationship even though they had kids and my father never did either (although he did badmouth a lot). Is that not possible anymore? The kind of respect someone needs to have towards a third-party who has nothing to do with you or your kid- is that nonexistent?

I have dated many people with kids and baby mama drama, ex wives, psycho exes, etc. I was able to deal with things then. I have also recently dated someone with no ex wives, psycho exes or kids, and the freedom was amazing. Am I just too old for the empathy to be able to go through this again or is it that I am more mature and have started demanding some consideration towards myself?

I guess what I'm trying to ask: If you love someone, just how far are you willing to go for that person when they really don't have to move mountains to love you?

Second chances

Well hello there! I have been in a more creative mood lately and wish my ADHD would allow me to sit down and write them out. I have been jou...