Life right now

Honestly, dear bloggers, I don't really know what to tell you. The life as I know it, is gone. There is something new being created and I am not exactly sure I am going to like this Gabi. Or this life change. I feel better alone most of the time, which is totally not me. The only people I converse with on a daily basis is my boyfriend, often my mom and Casey sometimes. Poor Casey. She doesn't even know what to say to me anymore and to tell you the truth, I don't know what to tell people. 

"Pardon me while my life has fallen apart, but oh please, tell me your many problems?" I can't do that anymore. I need to get back to myself, which will take me a while forever. 

Pull me out, help me, cheer me up, buy me chocolate, but please, oh please, don't drown me in negativity. I am so tired of it.

Anyway, I was browsing through some blogs while I had some time and found this amazing ONE! This woman is my soul mate. I swear. 

For forever 27 years, I have secretly been worried about how people see me, what they're going to say about me, how much I cuss, how I cannot cook, etc. Many more problems and issues. So, I haven't really cussed on this blog. First, this blog was intended for just school use only while I was student teaching, but then it turned into my life therapy. The woman and her blog I mentioned above, inspire me to be me. Whoever that girl is; I'm still figuring her out. I'm pretty sure she's really nice and crazy. Almost positive.

Worst fears have come alive

 After a year of battling cancer, after the clean CT scan, after the cancer came back and after all of the hope and prayers, I'm sad to say my step-dad passed away March 15th at 8:30am.
The whole funeral was taken care of by Johnson-Vaughn-Phelps and it was absolutely beautiful. Since we have come here from another country, no one knew how to even begin taking care of his funeral. They lead my mother and brother through picking out everything and were sympathetic if we didn't understand something. The mass was performed by Father Josh from St. Joseph Catholic Church on March 19th and then burial was at St. Joseph Catholic Church cemetery. The visitation went well. Many friends came and visited, and I am sorry but I don't remember who all was there but thank you. Some who couldn't make it to the visitation, came to the church and thank you as well. Some just came to the burial site and thank you as well. I cannot remember how many faces wished me condolences, cried with me, cared for me, drank coffee with me or comforted me, but thank you all!

My favorite picture of my step-dad and mom..even though he was sick back then, he wanted to take a graduation picture with me.

I have no words to describe how I'm feeling at this moment. The sadness has been placed on pause in order to make sure my family is OK. My time will come. Until then I am a walking zombie. Don't ask me about life, don't ask if I'm "OK", and don't treat me like I'm going to break if you touch me. Life in the world continues even though the life inside you comes to a screeching halt. We must keep moving.


Please don't think this is morbid, but these are the last pictures I have left of him..

Amazing strength of my mother

Dear bloggers,

I write to you today with a heavy heart. A lot is on my mind every day, but today it's overwhelming. My family has been through hell the past year. Before I went to Spain, my mother had back surgery. She was supposed to take it easy and take care of herself until she can be better to work again (6 weeks). Well my mother, the Wonder Woman, goes back to work after four. I am not surprised at all. I expected this of her. The woman cannot sit still for long periods of time and feel useless.

I went to Spain April 10th, 2012 and 8 days later I received the news of my step-dad's hospitalization. Mom said he had colon cancer and they are getting ready to operate and insert a colostomy bag. I am going through all emotions at this point. I want to come back. I want to be with my family. I'm frantic and scared. Mother tells me to stay. I do, for her. My brother calls me the next day and lets me know that while they were operating on my step-dad, they found out that the cancer had progressed to his liver and it was diagnosed as Stage 4. Final Stage. Death?
I came back May 10th. My step-dad has become a skeleton. He's lost a lot of weight, cannot eat solid foods and has become a shell of a man he used to be. I graduated May 12th and saw a little glimpse of happiness.


Since May 2012, my step-dad has been battling with cancer. My mother has always been Wonder Woman, but this year she has been extraordinary. Not only does she take care of my step-dad and his difficulties, her full time job and part time job, she also takes care of my little 15 year old sister Anna and all the appointments for her horrible scoliosis, while making room for her own back appointments. She also worries about me, because now I have back troubles as well(since my car accident in August). This woman never stops, never eats and never sleeps, I am convinced. She is my hero. If I could provide things for her never to work again, I would in a heart beat. For right now, the only thing I can do is take some of the load off of her. Take Anna to her appointments, take step-dad to his. It hurts me to see her this way, but I know she won't stop.

To top things off, a few weeks ago, my step-father received an all clear of his cancer. My family was so happy. I was so happy. A week and a half ago, my step-dad ends up in the hospital with a high fever. Because he was a cancer patient, they have to test him for everything. So they do. They also decide to do another CT Scan. Today, results are in. Cancer is back...

I have nothing left to say. My best position right now is on my knees with my hands clasped in prayer.

Travel Bucket List

Hello my dear readers (the few I have- tell your friends about me)

I have for the past year (2012) talked about going to Spain, have went to Spain, updated you guys with all kinds of pictures and dreamed of going back. One day, I will marry some hot Latin lover and I will be back in my beautiful España forever to raise kids and walk down La Ramblas. Until then, I will stay here and dream.

That travel goal was completed in April, but it has pushed me to want to travel more! Anyone wanna take a trip with me? These countries or states are not in order. I will go anywhere I am able to. Also, if anyone has any places they would like me to investigate and put on my list, let me know!!

1. Italy (Rome, Tuscany region, Florence, Venice, Verona, Pisa)

2. Ireland (Dublin)

3. England (Winchester, London, Canterbury)

4. Australia (Sidney, Melbourne)

5. Austria (Vienna)

6. Mexico (Cancun)

7. Egypt (Cairo)

8. United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi, Dubai)

9. Germany

10. Canada

11. Saudi Arabia

12. India

13. Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

States:

1. Alaska

2. California

3. Hawaii

4. Florida

Until tomorrow, or the next day.

Toodles! :)