How are you, really?

Hello, my dear bloggers!!!

How are you all? How are you managing in this crazy world of ours? 2020 has been shit. I mean the pandemic has really made a huge impact on the entire world, overseas and here. I worry about both, because I have family in both. I hope everyone is staying safe, wearing masks and staying a 6 ft. distance from others. As an empath, I completely feel how this has impacted most of you. On top of that, most of us deal with daily bull in our lives anyway whether it's work, family or personally related. And if this isn't the cherry on top of it all, some of us deal with mental health issues that make life that much harder to swim through. We must keep swimming, tho!

Now, there's that one thing that no one wants to talk about...Mental health! We actually would have to sit in our feelings and talk about them then. Haha! Well, starts with me first! 

Today was rough for me. I'm a big girl and I admit my things. All my things, cause how are you otherwise able to grow from them? In my conversations with family, I've found out a lot of things over the course of a few weeks regarding health, financial stress overseas, work stress and personal issues. It's rough anyway plus sprinkle 2020 all over it. I have to take deep breaths and I have to ground myself most of the time to only focus on things I can control and that are in my power to change. But I feel....All of the things. So when I ask people how they are, I truly mean how are you..to your core?

Thankfully, 4th of July has passed and for me that brings back a lot of bad. This year it affected me differently, and even though I was spending it with friends, it wasn't going the way I needed it to. This 2020 anxiety is a lot different. It's a surprise every time my PTSD wants to wake up. Most of the time I can control and figure out how to human again, but sometimes it takes me on a different adventure. This year, thank God, I breathed through every firework unseen like a champ, although my heart was pounding out of my chest. I like that my neighborhood obeyed the 11pm rule, and did not go past that, but there were some in the distance that I still heard well into the am hours. I know this is a time to celebrate for most of my American brothers and sisters, but damn man. For us war refugees..for us with PTSD, you're killing us once a year. Not just once a year, but several days before and after your one day of celebration. It's rough! 

*Steps down off my little soapbox*

So, how are you, really? 

Welp

I was watching the other day what the current president of my country was saying, and to be honest, it doesn't surprise me anymore. I'm worried that I am starting to get "used to" the things that come out of his mouth. It means I'm starting to normalize it and internalize it, and NO!!! That is NOT something that is normal. At all. Among other reasons, I don't have any form of news on my TV, but he is for sure one of the main ones. When I do decide to clue in- which is at least once a week like a citizen should- I often laugh at what I find. I do not hold back my despisement of him, or of his tactics and general existence. I didn't like him before; why would I now? Lord..especially now. I can't stand how he is handling this situation. We are supposed to be listening to the president for some comfort and something smart or knowledgeable to say. The bar doesn't even have to be that high; at least not tell people to drink bleach. 2020...VOTE, y'all and THINK hard about your choices! CHOOSE WISELY!

I am going back to work tomorrow today. Insomnia has kicked in and I am writing. I have built up my immune system, I have done enough work on myself and my health to feel "safer" going back. Now that everyone is mandated to wear a mask (at least the associates), I can breathe a little easier- pun intended. Oh, wait. You mean to tell me there are still people not doing what they are supposed to do? Oh, okay. And our country is reopening? Oh, okay. We have had the highest numbers, with numbers still mostly rising? Oh, okay. Welp. May the Goddess help us and may we all be safe.

Regardless of being a little terrified of the general public nowadays and really sick of the entitled pricks, I am excited to see my work family. It's been three weeks! I imagine it's going to be a long day and I spent the day mentally preparing for my first day back. I took the day to relax and not think about work at all, but just do what I felt like doing. I did some laundry, set out an outfit being all proactive and whatnot, danced in the long, hot shower and chatted with some friends. Not to mention, I got to video chat with some eye candy that's stuck in the mother country for his birthday, so all in all, a good damn day..and now night.

I think I am finally going to try to sleep. I hope tomorrow goes by as quickly as it can so I can be back at home with my boys. It's going to suck to be without them to cuddle with every moment or to kiss on. If they would let me bring my dog to work, I'd stay there as long as they needed me to. Just no one touch him. Do you see what World we live in today?! 6 ft. back, ma'am/sir!

Good night! Toodles!

Cut the shit out!

Okay..okay, let's not get too close. Please, keep a distance of 6ft. That isn't hard..it isn't science. Pretend there is a bullet coming for either of us if we stand closer than that to each other. Because there is. And that bullet is invisible and you only have a small chance of survival to begin with; it doesn't really matter if it was 20 ft long in the shape of Barney. Why? Because we, as the human race, SUCK ass! We are slowly dying off and the reason being?? We cannot follow simple rules!!!

1. Cough into your elbow- If you should just so happen to fuck up and cover your face for that enormously obnoxious sneeze with your hands, then by all means, please go wash them for more than 20 seconds (ABC's, birthday song, Cardi B "Bodak Yellow"- whatever your flavor is) or sanitize them, you lazy POS.

2. Socially Distance 6ft-  I know that you just can't resist and I completely understand, but I need you to stand back for your own safety and mine. When words come out of your mouth, it is followed by spit. I would like to not exchange any bodily fluids unless responsibly and consensually. Kthxbai. Which brings me to my next point.

3. Wear a mask- Find one, make one, buy one. Wear a bandana. You won't offend me for protecting yourself from me and me from yourself. We all appreciate that.

Yay! Epidural time. 

4. Clean and disinfect your work areas- Essentials, if you are working somewhere with the public like I am was**, please double, triple, quadruple whatever corporate cleaning is. They will do the legal minimum; we need to extend that to keep everyone safer. This is just a personal preference. I like knowing you and I are safe.

5. Educate yourself- Please read up on how Covid19 is spread, what the symptoms are, and if there is a testing center nearby. The more you know, the more you will do. I fucking hope!

6. Don't be a Dick- Yes, you have to wait in line. Yes, things are being done differently. Yes, there are changes. Stop, breathe, and ask yourself if you'd act like that with yo mama around! Stop it. You're not the only human with things to do. In fact, if you are not one of the ESSENTIALS, PLEASE GTFO of my way!

**I am currently on leave because of my use of steroids-- no worries, it's not the fun kind that will have me coming back to work looking like a Bosnian Massy Arias (no, she does not use them, I LOVE HER, please check her out). It's the kind that I need to have in order to be at a pain level zero like a whole human being, and it's also currently the one that is lowering my immune system to even below substandard use so I am prone to everything. Last time I was down for 5 days barely mobile, and 9 days sick.