Unfu%#ingbelievable

My dear bloggers,

This morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. This morning I woke up with only a few hours of sleep. This morning I woke up with different feelings of sadness, hurt, anger and betrayal.

I will be very grateful if I make it through the day without getting fitted for a nice orange jumpsuit.

Here is my problem. Why do people just not get me? I am not saying I am an angel or that I am some kind of prize, but I am an overall nice person. I'm caring, loving, trustworthy, I don't lie, cheat or steal. I'm honest and sometimes too much. When I'm in love, I'm like a fat kid in a candy store. I love my best friends and would go to the end of the Earth for them. My family means everything to me. I mind my business. I don't make up stories about people. I pay my taxes. I vote. 

WHAT THE HELL IS SO COMPLICATED TO UNDERSTAND?

Apparently this is how I am viewed. Whatever I say, I don't mean it how I say it. There is always an underlying meaning to my words. When I'm sweet, it must be because I am guilty of something or have done something that I should be ashamed of. When I am hurt or crying, I just need to be left alone to deal with it because I shouldn't even be sad or hurt in the first place. I don't deserve to have someone love me so much that they can't stand it because that is "unrealistic"- true love is only for fairy tales?

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS IT? Not sorry about letting the F-bomb out of the bag. I do it on a regular basis in real life. I figured this blog should only be the replica of the real me.

Do I have a DUMB ASS sticker on my forehead with the instructions "Please come into my life, make me love you, then fuck it up somehow so that the jist of the conversation with other people is that I fucked up things and you can be clear. Please be another fucking person that walks out of my life like everyone else has."

Does no one fight for what and who they love anymore??

There is a part of me that really wants to tell people to "go fly a metal kite in a thunderstorm" and there is another part of me that feels the need to prove itself. To prove to people that I say what I mean and I mean what I say. To prove to them that my intentions in life for anyone are ALWAYS the best intentions.

I am tired of being misunderstood. I am tired of feeling like there is something wrong with me. I am tired of feeling like the only one that is trying anymore.

I'm tired of giving 100%.